“The past is the only dead thing that smells sweet” – Cyril Connolly
A hustler can’t be mushy. A player can’t live longing for the past. A pickup artist can’t be sentimental about things in his rearview mirror.
There are seducers I know who get burnt by being overly romantic and sentimental. Despite having a talent for pickup they (willingly) get dragged back into their past. Common themes they’ll mention include:
- dating and seduction being easier in times gone past
- one particular city they wish to revisit to relive the ‘good ol’ days’
- a particular girl they dated and how she sadly ‘got away’
- how culture and society used to be so much better
Certain music, movies, books and art can amplify feelings of nostalgia, as can revisiting a place or a person. “If only I were back in the glory days,” they’ll sigh. “Life was much easier then…”
Seduction sentimentality often signals neediness and Oneitis (caused by scarcity) which are both lethal to a player’s success. Standing still in Game is not an option – either you’re progressing onwards or sliding backwards.
A Black Sheep Bandit must be aware of this trap that kills forwards momentum, ambition, creativity and future joy. A seducer must maintain his love of the Game by switching things up, raising the bar and moving on to pussy pastures new.
In this week’s daygame podcast from Munich I’m joined once again by Tony Hustle to metaphorically smash up pickup structure and see what remains.
We cover a lot of juicy material:
* Beginning with the end in mind
* Theory vs implementation
* Why material matters at the start
* Limitations of a linear model (3D pickup infield vs a static 2D model)
* Personalisation of the model according to your character
* How to use the underlying pattern / formula to create new material on the go
Remember that the London Daygame Model is a heuristic tool, an artificial construct to get you from beginner to intermediate. After that you’ve got to look up from the map at the real world terrain in front of you.
Without fail on all my dates (and sometimes even on the street during my daygame) I find out what music the girl is into. Bieber or Beethoven? Steve Aoki or Arrested Development?
If she gives me a vague generic answer (“I like all types of music”) then I dig deeper, combining it with the verbal escalation question of finding out her “guilty pleasures.”
It’s one of my key pieces of intel to shed light on the girl’s Secret Society experience. More often than not I’m surprised at the answers she gives.
A shy, bookish student who seems like the sweet Girl Next Door might admit that she’s a huge metal fan. A petite Barbie-looking blonde might tell you she’s into hard Russian hip-hop.
Four girls this year (between the ages of 19 and 24) have given me the same answer: Marilyn Manson. None of those girls looked alternative or into metal / hard rock. Considering Manson was born in 1969 he’s not exactly ‘current listening’ for these girls, and certainly not clean cut.
They didn’t just listen to him casually, like having Ed Sheeran on in the background of an Uber ride. They loved him, almost to the point of obsession. It wasn’t Manson’s music, it was his persona: dark, controversial, borderline Satanic, links to Charles Manson, and his extreme polarising showmanship.
What’s this got to do with daygame and dating? It should come as no surprise that women like bad boys, the anti-hero, all things edgy and borderline dangerous. A figure like Marilyn Manson (however engineered) appeals to this part of her psyche, especially if she’s in her rebellious late teens to early twenties phase where casual sex is king.
Listen carefully to her answers and calibrate accordingly. What films is she into? What books does she read? As soon as I hear names like Manson or Fifty Shades of Grey then we down our beers and and I hail a taxi ready for the bounce home…
This week’s daygame podcast asks the question of whether we should be filtering girls on the street and on a date into different categories, changing our Game accordingly. Is the fashionable “quest for quality girls” a myth or a legit method?
Joining me on the podcast is Baltic daygamer St Robert who talks about his hustling journey and his thoughts on filtering.
Dayame is a mirror held up to yourself in many respects. It’s real world feedback about your Male Sexual Market Value, it’s a chance to stare back at your inner demons and, quite literally, it’s a process of your behaviours being mirrored by the girl:
-Before you go in, it’s you who has the Approach Anxiety (AA). After a few seconds being in set, it’s the girl who shows signs of AA
-Through complimenting and flirting, it’s first you who is giving off Indicators of Interest (IOIs) and attempting to deliver Demonstrations Of Higher Value (DHVs). From Hook Point onwards it’s the girl who is now giving off IOIs and DHVs.
-Throughout the rest of the daygame, texting and dating, the aim is to mirror her pattern of IOIs and IODs to keep optimal tension. Calibration is exactly that.
An experienced player not only sees his reflection in the mirror but alters his behaviour accordingly. Like tango dancers who mirror their movements in synchronicity or a fisherman who can second guess what the fish is about to do, a good daygamer both reads and responds to this reflection.
Join me and Mr A deep in the English countryside as we go fly fishing to discover the daygame pickup parallels:
- Area selection (local knowledge, target density, conditions)
- Bait (attraction material)
- Passive vs active pickup styles
- Learning structure and technique
- How to reach ‘Hook Point’
- Optimal line tension when ‘Playing The Fish’
- Calibrated escalation
- Inner Game (the daygame roller-coaster)
- Why we daygame
A Black Sheep Bandit anthem – ‘Route 66’ in true Chuck Berry style played by myself and Tom H at yesterday’s London daygame meetup.
This week’s podcast (recorded with a mighty hangover) catches up with young guitar hustler Tom giving practical advice for getting back on the hustle horse after a painful daygame experience or time away from Game.
Cheers to all the guys who came to the London daygame meetup yesterday in a hot heavy pub with a dodgy Welsh rock’n’roll cover band. You touched me deeply 😉
Disclaimer: I’ve stopped coaching daygame for the rest of this year and most likely next year too, so this article isn’t a sales pitch to get clients.
I’ve been a daygame coach since late 2010, teaching more than 200 weekend bootcamps in over 50 countries from Singapore to South Africa, Miami to Moscow. Below is a list of the top ten things you should focus on when either choosing a pickup coach or becoming one yourself:
- The coach has to walk the walk and be a highly proficient daygamer
- There has to be a structure. It can’t be a freestyle “be yourself” session
- 95% of the coaching should happen infield, talking to girls
- The coach needs to have wireless microphones. These are what I use
- There has to be feedback, not just pushing you into interactions
- You should be doing a minimum of ten approaches in a two hour session
- The coach should take you into a range of situations (street, coffee shops, stores, parks etc)
- The coach must demo when required
- You only need to see a daygame coach every few months (not days!)
- There should be realistic expectations and tough love given to you
Watch the livestream by following Tom on Instagram (@tomtorero)