Increase Your Approaches

If you’re only doing one or two approaches a week (or even a month) then it’s essential to up your daygame work rate infield. Here are some of the methods I’ve used (or seen used) to increase the number of cold approaches without doing a bootcamp or hiring a coach:

 

Take it in turns with a wing. Give him £100 in £10 notes. For every approach you do he’ll give you £10 back (do the same for him)

 

Carry a dice in your pocket. Designate a certain type of approach to each number on the dice (e.g rolling a 2 means doing a shop approach, a 5 means doing a park approach etc). Don’t go home until you’ve rolled all 6 (in any order) and made the approaches

 

Use Pavlov’s dog-style “classical conditioning” where you reward yourself at the end of each session of 10 approaches with a slice of cake (walking for 2 hours is around 10km so your calorie count will be fine!)

 

Go to a busy shopping mall and head up to the top floor. Make it a rule that you can’t descend to the floor below until you’ve done an approach. Repeat until you reach the ground floor

 

Don’t let yourself have a cup of coffee until a girl joins you for one on an instant date. On a cold day you’ll be amazed at how this pushes you to get one quickly

 

Set yourself an accountability goal of when you can stop the session. For example, 1 number a day or 10 approaches in 2 hours. Be strict on this. Record keeping helps.

 

Have a set daygame route to follow, preferably circular, with specific areas on the way. Don’t let yourself move onto the next area until you’ve done an approach in that area (e.g. Union Square -> Washington Square -> Soho -> 5th Avenue -> back to Union Square in New York City)

 

Be playfully competitive with your wing. For example, first one to get three numbers has the other one buy him dinner. Or first one to instant date gets a beer from the other one.

 

NB: Make sure you’re not “spam approaching” – jumping into multiple sets one after the other without reflecting on the last one and how you can improve the next one. The girl is your mirror – take on the feedback you’re getting. More than 10 approaches per session is pushing it.

Tom Torero Daygame Memoir (Chapter 1)

The first part of Chapter 1 from my 2012 memoir “Daygame”:

Daygame Tom Torero Cover

BEGINNINGS

“We think too much and feel too little”  Charlie Chaplin

To begin at the beginning, we have to rewind to my shambolic interactions with girls at high school. With chronic acne, a reversed bite, a lanky frame and thick glasses, I was a prime target for bullying and this kicked my self-confidence into the ground. The girls at school would enjoy my Nice Guy personality, laugh at my jokes, but ignore me romantically in every sense.

Quickly I created beliefs that girls found me ugly, girls thought I was strange, girls just got with the “bad boys”. This was the hand I had been dealt, I resigned myself to thinking. So I didn’t build a social circle at school, I didn’t go to house parties, I didn’t drink. What I did have was a brain, and I took refuge in studying and my self-proclaimed nerd status.

I became Head Boy (the teachers noticed me, even if girls didn’t) and pinned a picture of Oxford University above my desk at home. This was going to be my focus – remaining in my bedroom surrounded by textbooks and revision, an academic hermit with the aim of studying Biology at Oxford.

Each evening I’d come home from school, turn on my lamp and sit at the small desk from 8pm until 2am. It was my escape from reality and the bullying that was going on in school. My parents just saw the impressive work schedule, not the damaged kid inside, and praised my dedication. It wasn’t their fault; from the outside I seemed like the model child making his parents proud. I hadn’t told them about the bullies or the social anxiety as I didn’t want to seem weak in their loving eyes.

My extreme revision schedule and self-discipline paid off, and in the Autumn of 1998 I began my degree at Oxford amongst the dreaming spires and immaculate lawns of one of the oldest universities in the world. Rather than the usual right-of-passage three years of socials, drinking, sex and friendships that my school friends were experiencing at university, I further buried my head in the sand like an introverted ostrich. Oxford encouraged this – hours of silence in the library, avoidance of social situations.

The real Harry Potter

By Christmas of 1998 the self-inflicted isolation and pressures triggered a wave of panic attacks. The first one hit me in the college library. I remember the surroundings starting to spin and an intense feeling of impending doom. I left my work and ran to my room, pouring with sweat and waiting for some kind of disaster.

These attacks became common, and the flip-side of them was a bell-jar feeling of sadness. My doctor confirmed the diagnosis of clinical depression, and the next few months were spent trying different drugs and having uncontrollable meltdowns of crying or paranoia. Girls were the last thing on my mind.

Despite constant attempts to quit, my ever understanding parents encouraged me to stick with the degree. Sure enough, the medication began to kick in, numbing me to the mood swings and allowing me to study without either the panic or the sadness. The downside of this was that the tablets left me even more removed socially – giving me a feeling of being an observer on the sidelines of reality, looking in on everyone else who was living life for real.

A few sessions of Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) at the local hospital taught me how it was possible to detach our thoughts from the feelings they trigger. At the time this was just an interesting phenomenon that I accepted academically, but found impossible to put into practice. I was literally living in my head, with very little contact with the real world.

My next door neighbour in my college was fucking like a rabbit – I’d hear his bed creaking and his girls screaming through the wall as I had my head in an Evolutionary Biology text book into the small hours. He quickly established himself as the college bad boy, throwing parties, making his own vodka jelly and seducing an endless stream of girls into his room. To me, a virgin at the age of 19, it was another reality.

I remember a girl from another college taking a liking to me and coming to my room one night to write an essay together. She sat on the bed while I shuffled nervously by the window. I think I lent her a book of poems and imagined making her a girlfriend in my head. Not surprisingly, she never came round again.

One of my lecturers on my course was the famous Evolutionary Biologist Richard Dawkins, author of The Selfish Gene. The book explains the genetic basis of Charles Darwin’s mind-blowing theory of evolution, and how it is not the species or individual that is the unit fighting for survival, but individual genes. Nature is inherently selfish because of this – Tooth and Claw rather than Peace and Love. Sex is the key mechanism for the genes replicating, and thus the biological “meaning of life.”

This brutal truth made my head spin, just like the panic attacks. Such a fundamental shift in my world view compounded the lingering feelings of depression and anxiety. I made an appointment with Professor Dawkins to go over some of the questions I had about the book, and he kindly agreed to see me.

In his large Victorian north-Oxford home, I sat on his sofa and went over what was disturbing to me about his concepts. Are humans nothing but vehicles for a collection of genes trying to copy themselves? Is life nothing but a selfish race for replication? Love, beauty, happiness, relationships…did these not matter, were they just the trappings that hid the Tooth and Claw mechanisms of nature? It seemed to be what I had seen in secondary school – fights, idiocy, cruelty and bad boys getting the girls. Biology wasn’t beautiful to me, it was simply brutal.

Professor Dawkins listened with a concerned ear, but offered little practical advice about feeling better. He showed me his vast book collection, suggested a few titles and emphasised how Darwinian evolution was intrinsically beautiful because of its simplicity. I was too lost in my thoughts to listen to the truth in what he was saying, or to notice his glamorous wife Lalla Ward, an ex-Doctor Who actress, gliding through the house.

I remember going back that night and lying on the floor of my college room. It was like I was drowning. Sinking. Numb. On a micro and macro level, I was fed up with life.

The chronic acne often stopped me leaving my room – I was getting boils and lumps around my nose and mouth, and was embarrassed to even go shopping. Things were as low as they could go. I could hear the other students in the college having parties in their rooms, dancing late into the night in the quadrangle outside, frolicking free in the joys of an uninhibited life.

The roll of the dice seemed so unfair. I had succeeded academically, winning a scholarship for my end of year exam results, but I was the opposite of happy. A lack of friends, a lack of a social life, a lack of women. I wasn’t just living in my head, I was living in my self pity.

 

Read the rest of the 2012 daygame memoir here

Daygame Diagnosis #1

 

Today’s podcast is the first in the ‘Daygame Diagnosis‘ series where I break down a listener’s infield mp3. The theme of this episode is the Nice Guy Trap of making rapport rather than breaking rapport.

Getting good at vibing rather than asking questions is a key daygame skill needed to flirt and spark attraction with her before hook point.

Get access to my new 4+ hour video seminar on the latest lines and gambits here.

Dirty Tricks Seminar Is Live

Get immediate access here

Open up my magical box of daygame tricks in this 4 hour digital video seminar. With over 100 new pickup techniques for the street, text and dates this is the perfect add on to my Street Hustle toolkit.

This new seminar is 100% practical, actionable outer game routines, gambits and hacks: no theory filler or ‘inner game’ waffle. You’ll be able to go out and apply what you see infield immediately to level up your daygame, texting and dating.

 

 

Watch me demonstrate live on stage:

  • My favourite stacks and spikes for daygame
  • New lines to use infield taking things from social to sexual
  • Ways to get physical in your daygame
  • New pings, photo pings and audio pings for your texting
  • How to stop so many of your numbers flaking
  • Dozens of new lines and routines to use on dates
  • Physical date techniques to get things seductive
  • Props you can use to stop your dates being boring
  • New techniques for making the bounce home smoother
  • My methods for cracking token LMR and getting it on

 

 

As a bonus I also go through:

  • Ways to deal with the most common “Shit Tests”
  • The classic PUA routines and how to deliver them effectively

As well as the 4 hours of seminar video footage you’ll also get a free copy of my book “How To Flirt With Girls” in PDF format to download.

 

 

Click here to get immediate lifetime access to the seminar for $99. After payment you’ll be sent login details automatically so you can watch the content straight away on your laptop, PC, tablet or phone.

 

Here’s a review of the seminar from a guy who came to the event and then applied what he had learnt in his daygame and dating infield:

Humans Are Not Monogamous

May 2014

A theory video from the Torero archive going over the essential biology underlying pickup and game. I explain why humans are not monogamous and why you should be a girl’s lover rather than her provider.

NB: Since making this video I no longer believe you can be in the “sweet spot” position of an alpha boyfriend. Monogamy by its very definition means you’ve lost the frame with her.