Taking The Plunge…

Tom,

I’m 26 and have worked my way up to a $200k job in XXXXXXX.

And I’ve never been more miserable.

I’ve been surviving on memories from 4 years ago, where I hitchhiked through the Baltics meeting beautiful girls with absolutely no money in my pocket.

Can’t tell you enough how much your Flowmad product means to me, I already loved the 4 hour work week but for some reason, adding daygame to the equation made a light come on for me.

Happy to say that I will be quitting next month to live the FLOWMAD lifestyle, no income yet but have a solid plan where I create educational products for new programmers.

I’ll living be in XXXXX all summer and would love to buy you a pint / food / whatever as a thank you if you’re in town.

If not, just want to say THANK YOU again, you changed my life.

Cheers,

Aaron

Daygame Is Not For Everyone

No need for daygame!

I’ve spent almost a decade preaching the good news of daygame pickup to other guys. Often it feels like pulling teeth. More and more I’ve been thinking about how “you can lead a horse to water but you can’t make him drink.” Once the knowledge is out there, it’s up to the individual guy whether he wants to act on it.

If you consider that 90% of guys on the planet cannot (and will not) be in the Secret Society then that only leaves 10% of guys giving daygame a go. The daygame dropout rate is also high so that means very few guys actually left hustling the streets.

Daygame might not be for you if…

  • You’re a social night owl who prefers bars and clubs
  • You’ve got a job where hooking up with girls is easy (dive instructor, hostel manager, bartender, tour guide etc)
  • You’re already cleaning up online with hotter girls than you 
  • You’re at university with a big social circle
  • You’re a traditional guy who isn’t into promiscuity 
  • You’re a romantic guy who just wants to “be himself” with girls 
  • You prefer flashing your cash to get girls 
  • You don’t like walking around cities in the sunshine 
  • You live in a village or small town where you know everyone
  • You’re angry with women and feel like they’re plotting against you
  • You’ve got big underlying issues that need sorting out first 

In a future podcast I’ll perhaps explore the topic further and examine other options for meeting girls if street hustling is not your thing.

Harem Hustle #9: The Talk

This is a good example over text of “The Talk” that you have to give a girl who is getting too clingy if you want to keep sleeping with her in a non-monogamous way.

It’s better if things are understood implicitly and you don’t have to get to the stage of verbalising it but after sleeping with a girl over weeks and months you’ll often have to remind her of the nature of your relationship.

Nice Guys worry that by having The Talk about non-monogamy they’ll lose the girl because she won’t tolerate being Friends With Benefits. As you can see from the above example, girls actually accept this Secret Society frame as long as you’re open about it towards the start of the relationship.

To maintain a harem of girls you have to do it from this lover frame. If you’re pretending to be her monogamous boyfriend then things are going to go backfire pretty quickly.

Baltic Bang: Tom Torero Same Day Lay Report

A déjà vu lay report from the Baltic Sea on an overnight ferry from Stockholm to Helsinki last week. I had a very similar experience in 2014 on a ferry going the other way from St Petersburg to Helsinki which I explained in this video and wrote up in my book Below The Belt.

They say history doesn’t repeat itself but it often rhymes. There are many similarities to the 2014 story but last week’s lay was faster and with more green lights. There was more luck than skill involved this time but it was still an exciting midway point to the van journey from the UK to the Russian border.

I’d spent a few days driving through Sweden and a night in Stockholm before the ferry to Helsinki the next day. As I sat in the van in the port waiting to board the ferry I watched the foot passengers embarking ahead of the vehicles. I remember wondering if any hot single girls would be amongst them. So far on the drive north I’d avoided doing any approaches as all my daygame this year has been (and will be) in Russia.

After driving onto the ferry and finding my tiny one-person cabin deep inside the ship I was tempted to just crash out and have a long sleep ready for Helsinki the next day. I got a message from a friend and wing back in London telling me to try and get a notch as that ferry was known for being a bit of a ‘booze cruise’ between Sweden and Finland.

With the anchor raised and the boat weaving its way through the many small islands before the open waters of the Baltic Sea I headed out on deck to shoot some video for the vlog series. Even though it was early April it was still cold and bracing. Most other passengers were warm inside, huddled in the bar and kicking off their all nighters.

The only other photographer on deck was a lone girl who looked colder than me, visibly shivering but enjoying the sunset and taking photos on a retro polaroid camera.

She looked Asian, cute, petite and quirky with hipster fashion and eskimo-type boots. My opener was crappy. No compliment or witty preface, just a lame question:

“Excuse me….are you Japanese? Your boots are very unusual”

She told me that she was from Hong Kong but that she had roots in Europe, which is why her English was perfect. She had finished university last summer, saved up money to travel and had just started her solo vacation around Europe for two months.

So far so easy. She said she’d studied English Literature but didn’t like the classics, only postmodern literature with a feminist slant. Oh dear.

I teased her about the hipster fashion thing, saying she should get a job as a reporter on Vice documentaries. I gave her the nickname Harry Potter because she seemed bookish and had said she had similar glasses.

The setting sun and the cold wind gave us a good reason to get off deck and into the nearby ship’s bar. She followed my lead straightforwardly and was happy for me to pick the beers and seats for us.

Over two Belhaven Scottish stouts we chatted across a table and the green lights continued. She’d just turned 22 and this was her first solo trip abroad. She’d landed in Stockholm and had spontaneously booked a ferry ticket that morning to see Helsinki. She was the first one of us to touch, reaching out for my hand and asking about my tattoos. Things were looking good.

Even though she’d seemed nerdy and reserved at the start her true self started coming through in real Secret Society style. She said she was also the ‘black sheep’ of her conservative family and was taking this trip as an act of rebellion.

She’d chosen Scandinavia as her first stop on the trip as she’d read it was the most liberal. More green lights. I asked if she also had tattoos and to my surprise she pulled down her t-shirt to show a shoulder tattoo of the Twin Peaks logo from the cult classic TV drama. Bingo.

The green lights just kept on coming, like a slot machine spitting out dollars. She touched my boots and said she liked them. She told me about all the British things she was into – The Smiths, Arctic Monkeys, and even Stephen Fry.

I showed her photos of my van conversion and the trip so far. She had doggy dinner bowl eyes and said her favourite book was “On The Road” by Jack Kerouac. Seemed like a home run!

As we finished our first beer I asked her why she was single and she explained that she wasn’t – there was a boyfriend of three years back in Hong Kong. He was ten years older and her first boyfriend (she’d gone to an all girls school so didn’t meet guys until university).

Rather than sulking I used the technique of amplifying, asking her when she was going to move in with him, get married and get matching tattoos with him. This had the desired effect of her putting him down. She said she didn’t like the idea of heavy commitment long term and that she had no plans for babies or marriage.

I used the feminist slant in my favour, telling her how liberal Scandinavian girls were and that it was cool to live a life of independence and freedom. I spiked by saying how “sex was like coffee” in Sweden and nobody judged One Night Stands. She lapped it up and agreed with everything. God bless feminism.

By now we’d been sitting in the same place for almost an hour so it was time to bounce to keep the momentum going. I suggested a walk to the other end of the ship where there was a tacky cabaret bar and a kitsch evening show we could laugh at.

As we strolled through the boat I made fun of her short size and playfully pushed her into oncoming passengers, saying that they couldn’t see her.

At the cabaret bar we sat down next to each other and ordered two more beers. It was time to ramp up the physical escalation as the cheesy performers covered in sequins pranced around singing show tunes.

I ran the usual physical gambits: comparing hand sizes, a mock palm reading, lingering touches on her knee and shoulders, the Floppy Test to see how ready to bounce again she was, plus tracing out future tattoo ideas on her legs and back.

I mixed it up with with more verbal escalation, talking closely into her ear with my arm around her as the show music was so loud. She told me her first crush was the Jonas Brothers when she was young, then various indie band singers. Her favourite movies were Blade Runner and Fight Club (could this get any better?) and that she had an addiction to watching documentaries about serial killers. “I get a rush off the danger from the safety of my bed” she confessed. Time to bounce!

I suggested we go out on the deck to check if we could see any stars so we downed our beers and left the tacky cabaret bar behind. Outside it was pitch black as we were now on the open Baltic Sea but too many clouds to see stars. I stood behind her in classic Titanic pose and she gripped my arms around her. Time for the final bounce below deck.

“Let’s go and watch some documentaries on my laptop…” I said as we descended the stairs towards the lower deck and the cabins. With no hesitation she agreed.

All hail the Scandinavian daygame gods for delivering me a Yes Girl. Into the cabin, small bedside light on, shoes off, on the bed listening to my van playlist and then lying next to each other to watch a mountaineering film as we made out. Her hand on my dick, my hand under her top.

As I went to put my hand down her jeans she stopped me. Was the boyfriend back in Hong Kong going to scupper things at the last moment?

“It’s my period” she said apologetically. “There’s a lot of blood…”

Exactly what had happened on the ferry in 2014. Bloody periods!

“Don’t worry, it’s natural, I don’t mind, we’ll put a towel down” I said as I reached into the bathroom to get one. And with that her jeans came off, condom went on and we made sweet sweet love to the sounds of John Mayer on the laptop. As you can see on the top photo the towel didn’t exactly mop up all the blood.

After the deed was done she went back to her cabin to sleep and the next day she hitched a ride in my mobile passion wagon from the ferry to downtown Helsinki. We spent a crisp cold sunny day exploring the city and then that night she slept in the van parked with a glorious harbour view, which you’ll see on a future episode of the Black Sheep Bandit.

Sometimes that’s all there is to it: a lame opener, a couple of beers between two single travellers, a bit of leading and plausible deniability, then wham bam thank you ma’am on a night ferry crossing the Baltic Sea.

Popping Your Cherry

“I’m writing this fuelled by my ‘reward pint’ and a ridiculous adrenaline high, but I simply had say: thanks mate. At age 38, after years of procrastinating, blog-lurking and being in relationships, today I finally bit the bullet. I downloaded this audio file to my phone, placed an intimidating handful of ten matchsticks in my left-hand back jeans pocket, and hit the streets of lovely old Vilnius town, where I found myself on business.

I started with a lucky lady sitting on a bench beside me for the coffee shop query and took it from there. My years of anxiety and excuses about doing this turned out to be, at the worst….. a slight social hiccup; a moment of mild confusion for the girl. You’ll have had worse if you’ve ever chit-chatted at a formal reception, a cocktail party, a new-found pub. Beyond these, three would, in any book, be adjudicated as hot. None of seemed bored; all smiled. One jumped when approached too suddenly. Two highlights.

– A girl in a vast, white, space-age insulated long coat, static and smoking a rollie, cried out for the stack. Done dusted, and happily ejecting as per the orders, she hooked my turning back, with, ‘So…where at you from?’ A very pleasant 10 minute tease ‘n’ chat.

– And then, nine down. A weasel voice pointed out that 90% is an outstanding first in the university marking system….why not bail now and get that pint in? But at that moment I clocked a pair of tight-clad legs, neat jacket, great hair, and pursued into Cathedral Square. I lost her through poor geometry, but at that precise second, saw beyond her, another: a mass of blonde; luxury winter coat. I got a glimpse of nose, but, you know, one of those half views from which you can’t determine the cut of her jib. The early spring square was nearly deserted, nearly dusk. Ice-pure Baltic air. I pivot.

“Excuse me, do you speak English? I just had to say….”

And there, at the reconstructed carriage gate of of the palace of the Grand Dukes of Lithuania, I vibe with and challenge….the most beautiful human I’ve ever talked to. I swear before God, a bone-fide, Kite-Marked nine, 20 years old. Ukrainian, of course. Just a little interaction. Going nowhere. But I see vast horizons swimming into view.

Thanks again

Liam”

Are You A Black Sheep Bandit?

Fair point Jake, I haven’t defined what a Black Sheep Bandit is in concrete terms up till now. Yes, it’s about freedom from the herd and holding the frame but we can be more precise.

A sheep has four legs (last time I checked, which is quite often if you’re Welsh). And a Black Sheep Bandit matches four criteria:

1. He is self-employed (no boss or company hierarchy to follow)

2. He can get girls (without paying or feeding off scraps) but is not monogamous

3. He lives where he wants (so is non-monogamous with places)

4. He spends his time doing what he wants more than working

 

That’s it in a nutshell. Of course there’s a lot more detail to each point and meta mindsets that are needed to pull all four off, but for now that’s enough to know how much freedom you have in your present situation.

Married or in a monogamous relationship – not a Black Sheep Bandit.

Can’t get girls and have no dating options – not a Black Sheep Bandit.

Have a boss breathing down your neck – not a Black Sheep Bandit.

Stuck in a city with a mortgage – not a Black Sheep Bandit

Working way more than doing hobbies – not a Black Sheep Bandit

…..etc, etc…..