Tom Torero Texting A-Z

Strap yourselves in for a lengthy post showing an entire text flow with a girl in Russia from meeting her to sleeping with her. It gives you a good overview of the way I work leads over the timeframe of a week using text pings, photo pings and audio pings.

Because it’s Russia the usual sharp witty banter of Europe is replaced with more stoical comfort. I’m playing the two (or even three) date model there so the pinging is slower. I’m also building a harem this year meaning that it’s not just a one-hit-wonder scenario. You’ll see elements of deep conversion employed in the texting to keep girls around.

Look out for the usual texting rules about mirroring investment, matching emoticons and timings, plus avoiding neediness. If you’re still struggling with the basics of text game then watch this for a reminder.

The post is long and the text flow complete because I wanted guys to see the amount of work typically needed to take a girl from start to finish. Some guys still presume it’s a Tinder style “Wanna smash?” level of messaging when in reality it’s a lot of focussed effort each day.

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I stop this girl on Thursday 7th March in Russia on a snowy street mid-afternoon:

After the initial approach around 16:00 I take her on an instant date to a coffee shop. She speaks almost no English so we’re using Google Translate on our phones to communicate.

The first Tom & Jerry photo is sent during that i-date when we’re exchanging WhatsApp numbers. This cat-and-mouse theme will be prominent throughout the texting and dating.

Later that evening I send the official feeler message to see if she’ll reply. It’s in Russian because of her nervousness with English. I ask her if she bought a new book. Her reply tells me it’s a solid number and that she wants to chat. The half bracket “)” is a Russian smily face. She’s used Google Translate again to respond.

I reply with a photo ping from my balcony. It’s rapport building but also gently seeding a future date (tea) and a future bounce (to my place).

I ask her what she’s up to that evening to get a ping-pong texting rally going for momentum. This saves a lot of scattered texting in future days when the initial energy has fizzled out.

Note how I’m teasing her about being a boring girl who just watches TV soap operas with the old lady (“babushka“) she lives with. This will be a subtle qualification routine I use throughout the texting and dating.

I begin to introduce the theme of adventure and risk taking with my ping about the climbing documentary. From our i-date earlier that day I know she loves the outdoors and wilderness travel. This theme of being “wild” and “free” is very useful for a player, as you’ll see later.

My photo ping and caption about “mountain adventures” is seeding a van trip with her later in the year (I’d already mentioned my van travels on the i-date). It’s also emphasising the carefree, risk-taking hobo vibes that a player needs to stress. See how she plays along. She’s craving such wild adventures and sends me a handful of photos from her past travels:

I send her photos back from my van travels and adventures, again to build not only rapport but to seed future trips with her. Once a girl has bought in to the whole concept of the van then it makes everything much easier down the line.

In Russian she replies “Damn, that’s very cool!!!” My pinging work for night is done so we end things there. She’ll go to sleep with her head full of thoughts about the British man who stopped her on the street, took her for an i-date and told her about mountain adventures.

The following day just after 11am I ping her with “Fun in the lab?” as she’s a laboratory assistant at a university. She replies with a selfie for me from the lab, a big green light…

I reply with a selfie of me (good to jog her memory once the initial magic of the street approach is over). The caption says “black again” as a throwback reference to us joking on the i-date about being metal-heads and closet goths.

She’s replying quickly and asking me questions (a sign she wants the chat to continue) so I know that the fish is on the hook and it’s now my job to propose a date request. Once you’ve got compliance you have to escalate. Just lots of chatting back and forth over messenger would be the opposite.

I dip my toe in the water for a date request by asking “Are you working this weekend?” She tells me that Sunday is her day off and asks if I’m free…

Our alternating Russian-English is another example of mirroring investment. It’s a pain in the ass to copy-paste sentences from Google Translate back into WhatsApp so we’re both shouldering the burden.

I reply saying “Sunday for whiskey and melancholic music” as callbacks to what we discussed on the i-date about both liking whiskey and her depressing taste in music (Finnish metal and Marilyn Manson).

She replies with qualifying herself that she’s “not so melancholic” and that she “loves fun too,” both of which are more green lights. Getting a girl to jump out of a box you put her in is what playful qualification is all about.

I send her a cheeky GIF of Marilyn Manson clapping and winking, again as more callback to our i-date. Using these animated pings sparingly is a powerful technique if you can find a suitably appropriate one from Google images.

Later that day before midnight I see that she’s online so I tentatively ping her again to see if she’ll bite. It’s effective to get her going to sleep thinking of me. She tells me she’s going to bed. I say goodnight in Russian and she replies positively:

It’s now Saturday, two days after I’d daygamed her, so I had one more day of pinging to go before the planned Sunday date. She pinged me first that morning (a green light) and my photo ping was something creative back.

Early in the afternoon the snow clears and the sun comes out. She messages me to celebrate:

I reply with a photo ping and then roll off. She photo pings that evening continuing the Tom & Jerry theme. Note that I haven’t seemed overly keen with details for Sunday’s date, just presuming it’s going to happen. I send her a teasing Tom & Jerry GIF back:

Sunday morning she pings me first, I reply and then go for the date request by suggesting the venue and time. My best hit rate in Russia has been the two date model but still doing two venues on the first date and walking her past my front door is still the rule for me.

She shifts things to 13:00 but that’s not any consequential frame control so I go with it:

The first date is a coffee in the first venue sitting next to each other on a sofa and her leaning in on me. From there we go to a second venue for a beer where we again sit next to each other. After that I walk her towards the metro, passing my front door and suggesting she come in for a smoke on the balcony. She predictably declines and that is that.

Early evening she pings me wilderness photos of wild Kamchatka in eastern Russia which we’d been discussing. A green light that she was up for the next date.

I reply with my own photo ping of wild adventures, again hinting at the theme of van life:

Later that evening she wishes me goodnight, and I once again use the grandmother tease:

The photos of herself she sends me are another green light for investment:

She’s pinging solidly and I know it’s just a case of keeping things ticking over with regular contact until I can get her out on a second date.

I ignore her negativity and let her further invest by not replying immediately. She mentions my travel videos that I gave her a link for on the first date (another good “remote DHV” trick to keep you in her mind).

She knows I’m going back to Moscow for a few days which helps because of the “power of the push”

I date request for Tuesday evening, this time making the seeding clear for a bounce home with a video clip ping of my balcony.

The “cigar and whiskey” line is another clear prompt for the bounce home. She then has a minor emotional wobble about only being able to talk through Google Translate.

My response is again light-hearted with a Harry Potter GIF and the caption “Google Magic”

I ask her in Russian what time she finishes work and she says 18:00, so I set up the second date logistics with a bar 5 minutes from my place.

I wish her goodnight with a quick evening audio ping (low and slow voice to get her thinking of me before bed) and she wishes me goodnight too.

The next day I’ve checked to see if she’s still on for that evening with a morning ping and her further investment tells me that the date is happening.

The photo ping of whiskey solidifies that fact she’s coming back to mine after the first venue.

The second date goes to plan, as you’ll see on the documentary. In the bar we’re sitting next to each other, my arm around her, playing with each other’s hands. She won’t kiss me in public but I sense that the bounce is on after a couple of beers.

In the snow we walk outside for a smoke then to my front door. There’s a slight hesitation as I open the main door but she comes in when I remind her of “whiskey on the balcony.”

Once inside she’s like a cat, taking her time to explore the apartment, smoke on the balcony, sit on the bed, drink whiskey together, watch part of a horror movie on Netflix whilst kissing and cuddling.

Hands wandering over clothes. Then under clothes. Clothes off, then P-in-V and another notch on the belt. Later that evening she sends me a thank you ping – a good sign for her cumming back for more.

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Do you always need that amount of texting to get laid? No, but for a typical Russian daygame scenario with two (or even three) dates then this is normal. To keep plates spinning over time in a harem situation you’re also going to have to have this skill-set in place.

If you’re new to daygame and need the basics of how to text and the common mistakes to avoid then go to my free texting guide

The Mule (2018) Film Review

Another Black Sheep Bandit film to review after watching it in the cinema earlier this week. Clint Eastwood directs and stars in “The Mule,” a movie based on the true story of Leo Sharp, an unlikely 90 year old drug runner for the Sinaloa Cartel.

In a similar vein to Robert Redford’s “The Old Man & The Gun” the film is a predictable heist story but with tension sustained until the end. Whilst Redford’s portrayal of an elderly bank robber has a suitably Black Sheep finale, Eastwood’s film sadly succumbs to the saccharine plot cleanup for mainstream audiences.

It’s still definitely worth a watch for the cheeky antihero vibes and a stellar soundtrack. Clint Eastwood’s direction here might not be nuanced but his performance is still vintage cool.

Proportionality

Beginner and intermediate daygame advice is intentionally simplistic. If the girl does x then you do y. If you want to achieve effect A then use tactic B.

This one-size-fits-all teaching methodology is very useful for a guy who’s learning the fundamentals of pickup and daygame. He doesn’t need to make things overly complicated in order to drill the essentials.

The problem comes when teaching guys who are beyond intermediate level. These are daygamers who are getting laid at least once a month from under 50 approaches and have a few dozen notches on their belts. The black and white advice they’ve used in the past no longer applies to their experiences infield.

Proportionality should be a central tenant of advanced pickup theory. It’s what is meant by “being calibrated.” How much or how little of a certain daygame technique you employ based on the infield situation in front of you.

“To push or to pull, that is the question…”

An advanced daygamer begins to instinctively feel what’s needed with any one particular girl. Should he add in another attraction spike? Does the interaction need more comfort? Is she ready to be bounced and seduced?

Proportionality means nuance. It means subtlety. It means recognising that rules can be broken and rebuilt. Yes, you can walk with a girl after the initial approach. Yes, you can open with a question. Yes, you can take her on three dates. Would you tell a beginner to do any of this? No, but with calibration a good daygamer knows when (and how much) to use a specific technique.

Like with any advanced skill, this is not something you consciously think about. Infield calibration and the toolkit proportionality run on an instinctual level based on thousands of prior approaches and hundreds of dates.

In this video from South America filmed in 2016 I explain more about the stages of learning daygame:

Embrace Discomfort

“Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding”

Why should we actively seek out the pain of cold approach pickup? What does all the discomfort of rejections, flakes and blue balls have to do with freedom and happiness?

This week’s daygame podcast looks at the positive effects of discomfort in your pickup and your wider life. I talk about this year’s Black Sheep Bandit van tour and ask for suggestions for the forthcoming book.

Leave any Black Sheep questions or comments below and the best one will win a t-shirt 🙂

Harem Hustle #8: Air Traffic Control

Adding lots of new leads to your daygame funnel means learning how to manage them effectively and efficiently in order to get them out on dates and seal the deal.

Regular pinging of these leads is a given, but so too is the pinging of girls you’re already sleeping with. How much or how little you text is girl-dependent. Follow the general text rules about mirroring if you’re unsure.

For each girl in your harem you’ll figure out if she’s a morning or evening texter. Does she write paragraphs or single lines? Do photo pings or audio pings work better? Which emoticons does she use and how much? 

Even though you’re sleeping with her, you’ve still got to keep that tension on the line: messaging 1/3 less than her, taking 1/3 longer to reply, maintaining the flirtatiousness and mystery. Over text and you’ll become her monogamous boyfriend (or, even worse, her gay friend). Under text and she may drop off the radar.

If you’ve only got one girl on the go then that’s not a harem or a plate, that’s a girlfriend. You’re automatically in scarcity which is going to lead to neediness and poor frame.

A harem hustler is like an air traffic controller in a war room, keeping an eagle eye on the progression of his leads. I spend about an hour in the morning over breakfast and an hour in the evening over dinner monitoring and pinging my leads. Which ones need more attention, which ones need less? How far along are they? What is the frame at play? 

My WhatsApp chats this morning

 

Spinning lots of plates in a harem gives you an abundance mindset. You’re less reactive, you’re no longer over-pulling. This then manifests in your outer game behaviours which each girl picks up on. Why doesn’t he text more? Why isn’t he chasing? Who else is he texting? 

If any one plate falls off the radar then you’re not overly upset. She might well boomerang back in the future but if she doesn’t it’s no big deal. The air traffic control mindset is anti-fragile in that you don’t need to mate guard or grieve if this girl or that goes off the map.

Some readers will think that all this talk of spinning plates is cynical and cold-hearted. Why not find The One Special Girl, settle down and stop all this nonsense? A much easier life!

Well realise that girls are far better air traffic controllers than you’ll ever be. It’s hard to emphasise how good she is at vetting leads and spinning plates thanks to the volume of traffic coming at her from WhatsApp, Facebook, Instagram, Tinder and more.

Don’t believe me and think your shy sweet girlfriend-to-be is different? Then have a look at her DMs and inbox. Watch girls in cafes or on the subway and see how lightening fast they are at tapping away or deleting. That’s not a criticism. If you had so many leads to filter and manage then you’d be a pragmatic master of texting too.

Conviction

“What convinces is conviction”

All salespeople and hustlers know this. Conviction is at the heart of what a charismatic leader displays. It’s when you’re so sure of the direction of your plan that others can’t help but follow.

Even if you’re not 100% certain of what you’re doing or you lack experience with a particular daygame technique, you sure as hell need to act like you know what’s happening. Fake-it-till-you-make-it is definitely true here.

When do you need to show your conviction the most during daygame and dating?

  • When you stop her. Hesitancy is weakness
  • When you go for the contact details
  • When you’re dictating the date set up 
  • When you make your escalation moves
  • When you’re bouncing home

Why does conviction work with girls? Because solid male-female polarity requires the man to show strong leadership abilities when it comes to dating and mating. Uncertainty, nerves, stalling and tentative half-measures display that you lack experience with girls. Subconsciously she registers that your Sexual Market Value is low.

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A video filmed in Prague four years ago almost to the day goes into more detail on this important topic:

Asshole Game

 

This week’s Daygame Diagnosis is an infield displaying lots of elements of Asshole Game: playfully breaking rapport to create attraction by tonality, challenging, qualifying and disqualifying. Nice Guys should sit up and take notes on how the “power of the push” gets her interested.

Books mentioned at the end of the podcast:

Troy Francis: Cucked: Everything They Told You About Monogamy Is a Lie

Oswald Curragin: Millennials Among The Ruins

On Tilt

When I arrived in snowy sub-zero Russia in January to start my year of daygame I was Mr Needy. No leads, no dates, no girls that I could message to come over to keep me warm. As I trundled around the shopping centre opening sets I must have reeked of desperation.

It’s a chicken-and-egg situation. Lack of options means neediness, and neediness leads to poor Game and thus lack of options. This scarcity causes a daygamer to be “on tilt” as they say in poker:

“A poker term for a state of mental / emotional confusion or frustration in which a player adopts a less than optimal strategy, usually resulting in a player becoming overly needy”

As a pickup artist tilt means you’re over-pulling, you’re over keen. You send too many needy text messages, you chase her too hard. Like a man lost in the desert you cling to any drop of female affection you can find.

And what’s the number one attraction killer with girls? Neediness. So this tilt can cause a downward spiral of your mental state, frustrated by all the flakes and blue balls, leading to even worse Game decision making.

In this podcast from last year I go into the techniques you can use to keep a solid mental equilibrium when doing infield daygame to avoid this tilt.

Daygame Free Solo

 

This week’s podcast reviews the dizzying documentary Free Solo (2018) about climber Alex Honnold’s pioneering free ascent of El Capitan without ropes or assistance.

How and why is the film’s central message the same as doing solo daygame? What is a flow state and how does cold approach pickup achieve it?

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Other documentaries mentioned in the podcast:

  • Meru (2015)
  • Deep Water (2006)
  • Man On Wire (2008)
  • Jiro Dreams Of Sushi (2011) 

Want to plan your own solo daygame mission to achieve flow? This post explains the details.