Daygame Free Solo

 

This week’s podcast reviews the dizzying documentary Free Solo (2018) about climber Alex Honnold’s pioneering free ascent of El Capitan without ropes or assistance.

How and why is the film’s central message the same as doing solo daygame? What is a flow state and how does cold approach pickup achieve it?

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Other documentaries mentioned in the podcast:

  • Meru (2015)
  • Deep Water (2006)
  • Man On Wire (2008)
  • Jiro Dreams Of Sushi (2011) 

Want to plan your own solo daygame mission to achieve flow? This post explains the details.

Judging Her Sex Life

A key tenant of being in the Secret Society is that you’re non-judgemental about the sex lives of girls and guys. Because the player is happily reaping the rewards of female promiscuity there’s no need for anger or resentment.

By shaming girls for having non-monogamous sex you’re automatically signalling that you’re on the outside of the Secret Society, looking in and masking your resentment as virtuous contempt.

Shaming tactics include being obsessed with “slutty” female behaviour, moralising about how they’d personally never be interested in such girls and expressions of an underlying Purity Fantasy about “good girls” who are more “chaste” and “upstanding.”

It’s ironic that the same guys who are online raging about “loose women” are also the ones Googling information on “how to bang girls quickly.”

Be reminded that by judging girls, you’re immediately excluding yourself from any possibility of sleeping with them. You’re displaying loud and clear that you’re not in the Secret Society and resentful that you’re on the other side of the wall.

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This podcast goes over the underlying characteristics of the Purity Fantasy and why it’s so damaging to your game:

 

This video from daygame in Japan explains why hunting for the “good girl” is also so flawed and detrimental to your pickup:

Abundance Cures Neediness

“Hey Tom,

I attended your Dirty Tricks seminar in December, and thought I’d share a recent success story that I attribute partly to the content you went through – and almost wholly to your material in general.

(Recognise you must get a lot of these, but as you say you welcome them, I couldn’t resist.)

I’m 21, and started daygaming in September, having done about 6 months of night game before and after a relationship I ended last summer.

Had solid, if sparse results before Christmas, but going into last week I was getting mildly impatient that despite a large number of dates, 2019 had brought no further daygame sex-cess. To fill the daygame gap, I had had a couple of lays from dabbling in Tinder [shame on you haha –  T] and a lucky night game pull in mid-January.

The latter girl (Miss P) seemed different from other girls I had gamed. [“NAWALT!” – T]. She seemed quirky, intelligent and sexy – someone with whom I had a lot more chemistry than most, and I was hoping to string her along for a harem or even perhaps an open relationship. Lately, though, she had begun acting dismissive or straight silent over text, which was mildly frustrating.

Cue last week (the Valentine’s Day spirit being upon myself or the girls perhaps?), in which I had three daygame first-date lays on three consecutive days. Brazilian Thursday, Caribbean Friday and Korean Saturday – all young, hot girls (the Brazilian being likely the hottest girl I ever banged).

It was as if all my failed dating in the time leading up to it had culminated in a lovely victory. It was beautiful seeing how all the lessons I’d painfully learned came in to help me close the deal in all three cases, and how material and strategies from the seminar I had practiced and failed at before now seemed to flow naturally. Not leaning in, the spikes and pre-prepared stories to slip out of comfort quicksand, the carefully planned verbal and physical escalation, the firm and determined bounce-back, and the constant, ever-deepening qualification.

Most significant, I think, was experimenting with not going for the make-out with the girls before they were on my bed. In many of my previous dates, I’ve ended up heavily making out and holding hands with girls in the second venue, but after a failed bounce-back finding them barely (if at all) text back the next day. Needless to say, this tactic worked wonders here, and will be a staple of my dating going forward.

Now, in an amusing but enlightening twist of fate, I ran into Miss P in the street while in the middle of this streak and had a quick but dismissive chat. Her texting silence suddenly broke and she asked to meet up again. Saw her again yesterday, and had a minor revelation.

Yeah, she’s cool, she’s hot, and she’s smarter than average, but she’s a bit of a complainer, and flimsy and disorganised besides. Was she really as special as I thought she might have been last month? Ehh… I don’t know. Funny what abundance does to clear up your perspective. 😉

Cheers for everything you do, Tom. Really great to have a virtual mentor along the way through the hustle.

Mr S”

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Watch the new 4 hour+ ‘Dirty Tricks’ seminar with my newest daygame and dating upgrades here. 

Game Theory Essentials

Ignore the basics at your peril

Whenever I give a daygame talk or chat to clients on coaching calls I’m perpetually shocked that guys are unaware of the basics (or even existence) of Game Theory. 

It’s not their fault. A guy getting into pickup in the last few years is bombarded with content about lifting, diet, Tinder, Instagram techniques, spiritual self-help, even politics. The fundamental principles of Game and pickup have been lost in the noise. 

Even worse is the fact that many coaches in the PUA scene today are actually anti-pickup. Either they don’t believe in the principles or knock them. The common advice you’ll read from such coaches is:

“Just go up to her and Be High Value. See if there’s a spark. If not then move on. That’s what Game is”

 

How can you correct this? Start with the fundamentals from over a decade ago. Read (or reread) “The Mystery Method.” In it you’ll get a solid breakdown of the basic three part structure of pickup (Attraction, Comfort, Seduction) and the necessary jargon that goes into each section.

Learn the components of flirting and breaking raport. Know an IOI from an IOD. Get a grasp on the techniques of rapport building. Brush up on the bouncing and escalating components of seduction.

Test yourself. Do you remember what a set is? A neg? Closing? How about Hook Point? Work out what a SOI, a FTC and a DHV are.

If I had to choose the four most important Game theory topics to teach a beginner then I’d focus on the following:

This isn’t all some hypothetical sociology. Pickup is a field-tested science (as well as an improvisational art) based on the principles of evolutionary biology. How men and women date and mate is not some dreamworld thinking, it can be tested, measured and tracked.

If all this is new to you then get the fundamentals memorised whilst you go out for some infield daygame to put it into action and see how it looks in the real world. To match up the London Daygame Model with the original Mystery Method M3 Model then listen to this talk I gave:

How To Qualify A Girl

Flip The Script

Getting a girl to jump through your hoop and qualify herself to you is the secret sauce of pickup. A man who qualifies others demonstrates high value behaviour. He’s the interviewer not the interviewee, the buyer not the seller, the judge not the defendant.

Qualification is the pinnacle of Game as it flips the script and gets the girl chasing (or to feel like she’s chasing). A hot girl is not used to doing this and gets addicted to it. “If I’m chasing him he must be really special” she subconsciously rationalises.

 

 

You can’t just qualify a girl off the bat when you meet her for the first time. You’re going to have to generate attraction through flirting and breaking rapport to get her curious and to reach a solid hook point.

The whole point of negs/teases/challenges (IODs) is that they serve to prime the situation with her so you can qualify. 

The OG pickup artist Mystery has some classic qualification questions which I’ll often thrown in also:

  • Why am I drawn to you?
  • Is there more to you than meets the eye?
  • Who are you?
  • What makes you so damn special?
  • What else have you got going on for you apart from your looks?
  • What do you want to be when you grow up (and don’t say a princess)?

 

If you’ve watched my infields you’ll be familiar with the qualification questions I use during the daygame and dating:

  • How tall are you?
  • Is that your real hair colour?
  • Can you cook?
  • Are you adventurous?
  • What do you do for fun?
  • What’s the story with….?
  • Why?
  • How come you’re single?
  • Are you natural, or ‘plastic fantastic’?

 

Statements can also qualify a girl:

  • Plus two points….I like it
  • I’m usually into adventurous girls
  • I like people who are open-minded 

 

Delivery is key. Your voice tone must be light and playful, not serious or angry. Imagine you’re quizzing a six year old child in order for them to win a prize. You’re not meant to sound like you’re a lawyer cross-examining a witness.

Here’s more on the magical topic of qualification and why it’s such a powerful pickup tool you might be missing out on:

Slow Down To Speed Up

The WhatsApp message above is from a coaching client who had the sticking point of pulling the trigger too quickly on dates. He lacked smoothness in his escalation and was skipping out key parts of the dating model that build connection and get her doing the chasing.

Good to hear that Mr A has fixed the bouncing and escalating issues by actually slowing down to speed things up. It’s an advanced sticking point as it’s the polar opposite of Mr Nice Guy who plays it safe and slow but also fails to get over the finish line with her.

Listen to this podcast I recorded in 2014 on why fast escalation sounds so enticing but is problematic for the seducer:

Harem Hustle #7: Harem Dynamics

You’ve done your daygame, succeeded in your dating and got a handful of new notches under your belt. How do you go from this mishmash of lays to a functioning harem where you can keep the girls around simultaneously in open relationships with you?

It all comes down to frame and managing expectations. From the moment you stop her on the street, through your texting and to the way you dated and slept with her, she has to know you’re not steady boyfriend material.

Setting this lover frame has to be done at the beginning. You can’t switch from boyfriend to lover down the road. Don’t promise her the earth, don’t pretend you’re going to be her boyfriend. Don’t verbalise that you’re a monogamous couple. Essentially – don’t break the lover rules:

  • You only sleep with her once a week
  • No letting her stay over for the night
  • No romantic dates (just sex)
  • No texting daily 
  • No public displays of affection

 

Each girl should feel the fact that you’re a playboy with options. By ‘feel‘ I mean your player status has to be implicit, not explicit. Many guys mistakenly communicate with girls like they do with men, verbalising everything in great detail, making it sound like an engineering contract.

How can you imply being the lover? In the way you daygamed her on the street (the smoothness suggesting you do it a lot). In the non-needy way you texted (showing abundance). In the fact that you seduced her quickly and prioritised sex before anything else. You’re a fuckboy. All the signs are there. 

There’s no need to give her a detailed lecture on the biology of male-female dynamics. She doesn’t need to hear you describing all your other conquests in great depth. Leave small clues, drop hints and let her fill in the blanks.

Long stray hairs in your bathroom sink. A piece of jewellery down the back of the sofa. Half a bottle of rose wine in the fridge. The smell of another girl’s perfume on the pillows. Whereas the Nice Guy assumes this would destroy a relationship with any one girl, the player knows that these clues of preselection and the resulting jealousy are rocket fuel for harem building.

Despite guys dreaming of having a harem, realise that it’s a lot of work to keep the plates spinning. If you’ve got five women you’re seeing, then that’s five nights a week you’ll be banging. You’d better have a high sex drive and be able to perform as these can’t be lazy bangs – each girl is going to need the full monty if she’s going to keep cumming back for more.

Use the rule “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” with each girl. Remember this is the Secret Society. She knows the deal even better than you. It all should be covert, not overt. Subtle, not screamed from the rooftops. Giving her the famous “Talk” should only be done as a last-ditch attempt to keep things open with her. It’s a sign you’ve already compromised the frame earlier on.

This interview with Instagram playboy Dan Bilzarian is a good summary of the implied lover vibe of a harem and why it’s refreshingly transparent to a girl:

 

There’s a very fine balance to strike with each girl in the harem. She has to feel “special” and “different” from the other girls she suspects you’re seeing, but not so unique that she feels like you’re in love with her. Give her too much affection and she’ll assume you’re becoming monogamous. Give her too little affection and the plate will fall off.

A very common question is this – don’t the girls get tired of just being fuck buddies and move onto more serious relationships with other guys? The answer is yes. In my experience a girl will be content with her Friends With Benefits status for a few months and then go and shack up with a Mr Nice Guy who’s offering her more affection, cuddles and walks on the beach.

But fear not. She’ll most likely come back to you for more of what she can’t get from her monogamous sweetheart. It might take weeks or months but she’ll start missing the marathon kinky sex sessions with you, the way you didn’t put up with her niggles, the fact you lead and made her feel feminine. She’ll miss the feeling of chasing you, of the drama in her mind about the other girls she knows you have.

You won’t be pining for her anyway. You’ll be out there hustling the streets to keep your funnel topped up and the leads coming in. Remember, a number a day keeps the neediness away. Don’t chase them, replace them. 

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For more information on the dynamics of a harem, plus the downsides to spinning many plates, listen to this podcast I recorded in 2016:

Daygame Super Sets

Most daygame sets feel the same after a while once you’ve internalised the basics. “Maybe Girls” giving off weak positive signals are par for the course. There’s a few “No Girls” each session and a lucky “Yes Girl” thrown in if daygame gods are smiling.

A “Super Set” is something different. It doesn’t happen very often, perhaps once a week if you’re doing 30-50 approaches in that time frame. So how do you know what one is?

The short answer is you’ll just feel it. As cliched as it sounds it’s like a bolt of lightening running through your veins. And because the girl is your mirror then she feels it too. Sparks darting between you, your eyes locked in a near hypnosis.

Surroundings blur and time distorts so it’s just you and her in a primal bubble. The energy crackles and you feel lightheaded. When you walk away from the set you can’t even remember what you spoke about. You have to pause your daygame session temporarily while you come back down to earth. I’m sure she walks away feeling just as disorientated.

So what the hell is a Super Set? It’s not really the same thing as a Yes Girl as often you might not even get her number. She might be engaged or loved up with a boyfriend but something that day, that moment with you and her is electric. A Yes Girl set can be quick and rather uninteresting. You know she’s on, you know she’s keen to meet, so you go for an Instant Date or leave her sure that she’s coming out. A Super Set is something far more chemical. 

On a biological level I see a Super Set as a daygame interaction where your sexual wavelengths match. It’s a chance encounter of perfect polarity. Both of you hit a flow state for seconds or minutes based on your compatibility and energy in that moment. Hippy sounding, I know, but these moments certainly exist if you do enough daygame.

Often I’ll be having a quiet moan to myself about how my vibe is flat or the day’s not going well when suddenly I’ll turn the corner and…BAM! There it is, a Super Set moment from the second I move in front of her. You feel it, she feels it, it’s like a vibe orgasm between you out of nowhere.

Like I said, many times for whatever reason you might not get the phone number, but you still walk away grinning and shaking your head at the power of what happened. She might not even be the hottest girl of that day. It’s just something subconscious that makes a Super Set so charged.  Magnetic forces really can make monumental moments.

 

If all that sounded like nonsense then get to work on the basics of daygame infield with my textbook Street Hustle so you can internalise the framework and be calm enough with your approaches to allow these Super Sets to happen. 

How To Get A Solid Phone Number

 

On this week’s daygame podcast I review another infield from a listener in New York City called Matt. It’s a decent interaction following the model but how can he make the number more solid?

Links mentioned in the podcast…

 

How To Improve Your Daygame Storytelling:

 

How To Improve Your Improvisational Daygame Skills:

 

Why Numbers Flake & What To Do About It: