Being a Black Sheep means facing a flood of questions from men and women who have chosen a more predictable path with their dating lives. These questions are often cloaked criticisms which stem from judgemental, PC, moral high ground, frustrated or jealous roots.
If you’re asked them by friends, family or strangers, my usual strategy is to treat them as shit tests (“frame tests”) and just reply with a cocky-funny response. Entering into a long debate and making you lose your cool is what they want, so simply smirk and move on.
Never apologise for your masculine desires or for living your life on your terms. Remember the mantra of Not Hiding Your Dick.
In this post I’ll give more constructive, factual answers to the 10 most common objections I get daily, as these are for you to consider rationally rather than as emotional triggers. It is not my aim to convince you to live the lifestyle I do, I’m simply putting these answers down for those of you who are curious as to how the Black Sheep path works in reality.
You will die a lonely old man with no love in your life. What will you do after 60? 70? Who will care for you?
There are more lonely men in unhappy marriages than there are single guys with solid social circles and their freedom. The romantic Disney “love” you are referring to is idealistic and fades quickly once the lust chemicals wear off. Real love as in deep connections happen between you and family and close friends. It’s not limited to one person only. Indeed, a Black Sheep must cultivate a Rat Pack band of brothers as being alone all of the time is not healthy.
When I’m in my 50s I’ll be daygaming girls in their 30s. In my 60s I’ll be dating girls in their 40s.When I’m over 70 I’ll be playing golf, snoozing and reading all the books I’ve delayed getting through.
Getting married or keeping a girl around “for life” so you can just have a free nurse when you’re old and frail seems cruel. When I’m old I’ll pay for a live in carer (a cutie who I can flirt with) or a care home. I don’t want to have someone feel obliged to look after me because they “put up with me” for the last 40 years.
You can’t form meaningful relationships because you’re a player. Casual sex is shallow and damaging. You have issues.
Each week I typically speak to around 50 new people as I’m out and about daygaming. I also work my social intelligence muscles when I’m coaching clients, out with my friends and spending time with my family. I’ve dated hundreds of girls and had hundreds of “meaningful” experiences with them.
Experienced seducers don’t cling to one girl out of neediness and force “something meaningful.” They understand that just as someone can have more than one friend, more than one hobby, more than one flavour of ice-cream, you can have more than one relationship that’s significant and mutually rewarding. All of them can have meaning.
Casual sex can be very healthy (providing fun, adventure and energy for the guy and the girl, plus giving you options and making you non-needy) but just like any pleasure, it can become a vice. Sex is just sex. Wine is just wine. It’s how much you let them control you that matters.
I’d say that a guy that puts his emotions, time and money in the hands of someone else and clings to unrealistic view of dating and mating has more issues than a guy who’s self-sufficient.
You only sleep with the cheap sluts, I’m after the high quality girls that I don’t think players could keep around anyway. My wife will be sweet, caring, educated and cultured…
Wakey wakey. Remove the blinkers. Look back at Part 1 of the guide and read the sections on the The One and the Purity Fantasy. I understand the desire to cling onto a utopian Disney view of the world where things are black or white, good or bad. As men we want to find that one special girl who will complete us, who will give us the love our mother gave us. We want to believe that there are “good girls” and “bad girls” so we can escape the harsh realities of life and skip off into the sunset with our snowflake girl.
The quicker you accept that life is not binary, the better. Only you can make you happy, only you can complete yourself. Human nature is messy – that’s what makes it so fascinating. We’ve all got angels and devils on each of our shoulders. Girls can be sweet and slutty, educated and horny, cultured and filthy, mothers and lovers.
I’ve daygamed and seduced the whole spectrum of girls, from web-cam strippers and “trashy” club girls to doctors, lawyers, artists and librarians. Under the seemingly different bonnets, all girls are the same. They all respond to the same stimuli and want the same things. Have faith in biological hardwiring. Don’t be fooled by surface level differences.
You can’t keep girls around, that’s why you have to go out to find new ones. You will never be happy.
An experienced seducer battles to get rid of girls. They slowly want to see you more than once a week. They leave things in your apartment. There’s a point where the open relationship isn’t enough for her and she brings up some form of commitment. A Black Sheep “wins” by not succumbing to the temptation to keep a girl around.
Being married doesn’t make you eternally happy. Sleeping with lots of girls doesn’t make you eternally happy. Give up on chasing something which doesn’t exist. Focus on goals, missions, actions and accomplishments. These will give you a warm glow of satisfaction, as will being grateful for everything you’ve got in life.
As already mentioned, have other passions and pursuits in your life other than girls, as the player lifestyle can get just as repetitive as a guy’s unhappy relationship.
You need to grow up / man up / do the right thing / settle down.
Classic shaming tactics, usually coming from guys who’ve settled but still secretly long for their freedom. If you have to ask permission from someone to leave the house, or if you have to hide in a shed at the bottom of your garden to get some “personal space” then that sounds like your partner has become your parent, and you might have to do some growing up yourself.
Being an independent, self-made man who doesn’t need someone to do his laundry or cuddle him when he’s down is “manning up.” Pushing yourself, taking risks, improving, exploring, learning, travelling, experimenting – these are all far more desirable goals than “settling down.”
You must have loads of STDs from sleeping around. Casual sex isn’t “right.”
Educate yourself about STDs. Minimise risks with protection. Get regularly tested (I go once every couple of months). Use common sense. It’s really not that complicated and very little has happened to me after sleeping with hundreds of girls.
The horror story scare tactics used by those casting moral judgement on sex is a common religious tactic. “No sex before marriage,” they’ll say. “Sex is a sin” they’ll preach. But look behind the curtain at what really happens when you suppress something that’s natural and healthy. Clergy sleeping with altar boys, evangelists secretly jerking off and feeling shameful. Biology is far far stronger than religious or sociological beliefs. Accept it and deal with it.
Won’t you miss out if you don’t have children? How can you call yourself a successful player if you don’t have kids – it’s the whole purpose of life isn’t it?
The population of our small planet is rising exponentially. I don’t feel “guilty” by not adding to it. Sure, kids bring lots of joy and fun into someone’s life, but along with marriage they’re the biggest commitment you’ll ever make. I’m amazed people take such monumental decisions so lightly.
I was a Primary School teacher for many years and I taught hundreds of kids. I’ve also got four nephews and am surrounded by friends who have kids too. I certainly don’t feel deprived of kids’ energy.
There’s no “purpose” of biology – only a process. The replication of DNA is the name of the game, and whether we shoot our load towards a fertile egg or into a condom, our bodies neither know or care. The act of sex itself is what we’re built for (along with eating and protecting ourselves). That’s not nihilistic, that’s realistic and liberating.
If you go for it, good for you. If you’ve got a thing about building a genetic legacy, that’s cool, do it. But that doesn’t mean everyone else has to do it too.
Isn’t it a bit creepy that you’re an older guy and you date girls in their early twenties?
Another classic shaming tactic, even though I know and you know that men are naturally attracted to younger girls when they’re at their peak of fertility (late teens and early twenties). Just Google what are the most searched for porn terms and you’ll see what I mean.
Men who cast this kind of judgement might be surprised to learn that many girls in this age bracket not only like dating older guys in their 30s and 40s, but they look for it. Data from experienced daygamers confirms this is true, and there’s ample biological theory to explain why this is so.
If you still think it’s “wrong” then most likely you’ve been told to believe this by your church or your background, along with casual sex being “immoral.”
You’re sexist / misogynistic
“Sexism” translates as believing one gender is better than the other. I’m not interested in endless online arguments and trolling about which gender is “better.” To me, girls need guys and guys need girls. We’re complimentary, like Tom & Jerry. Sure, it’s a love-hate dynamic but this male-female polarity is at the heart of life on Earth. Remember that it takes two to tango.
“Misogyny” translates as a “hatred of women.” I certainly don’t hate women, but that doesn’t mean I have to worship them either. My major pastime is spending time with and dating attractive feminine women, so much so that I’ve made it my career to teach other guys how to do the same. Girls usually giggle when I say “If that makes me a bad man, then so be it.”
Men shouldn’t feel like they have to pander to political correctness and be ashamed of their natural desires. So stay away from debating angry individuals with an axe to grind. Focus on improving yourself before trying to bully others into changing themselves.
The Black Sheep lifestyle is selfish. You shouldn’t be so egotistical. Life is about doing things for others.
Selflessness (altruism) is an evolved behavioural strategy of “you scratch my back, I’ll scratch yours” with a win-win outcome. I’m all for it, but before reaching out to others first we should sort ourselves out. Don’t try to save a drowning man if you can’t swim yourself.
If “being selfish” is what it takes to improve as man in terms of your health, your wealth, your women and your underlying happiness, then so be it. If being “egotistical” means grabbing life by the horns, going for what you want and succeeding with your goals then bring it on!
By changing yourself in a positive way, others will notice and be inspired to do similarly. You don’t need to nag them or preach at them. Leading by example is the best way.
This brings me back to the start of this article, where I said that I’m not trying to convert you to my kind of lifestyle. I’m also not saying monogamy, marriage or kids are “wrong” or “bad.” It’s your life and only you should decide what path you take. I’m simply documenting my beliefs from the insights that I’ve had regarding dating and mating over the last 6 years, with hundreds of girls. Take it or leave it, I understand and I don’t mind.
I hope that this Black Sheep blog series has shed light on some of the most common issues guys bring up with me about my way of living. For my full daytime dating textbook called Street Hustle, click here to find out more. In the book I answer the 100 most common daygame, texting, dating and relationship questions, so if you’ve enjoyed this blog series then there’s lots more similar content in the book.