For an introduction to this “dirty thirty” series of blog posts for my new book Below The Belt, go here.
Lessons from Assholes
Everyone remembers the bad boys at school. The athletic jocks, the loud frat boys, the ruthless assholes. Think of Stifler from American Pie or Biff from Back To The Future. Nice Guys like me hated them because a) they bullied us and b) they got the hot girls.
The reliable, sweet, romantic guy simply doesn’t get why women find jerks so appealing. Using IQ and logical deduction, it just doesn’t make sense. They use girls for pleasure and mock them for fun. They’re arrogant, cocky, unreliable, dramatic, often rude and act (or are) stupid.
Until you learn the principles behind Game, it will remain a mystery why girls are so turned on by these guys. But once you’ve been picking up girls infield for a while you realise that such guys (fabled “naturals”) display the exact group of charismatic traits that Game tries to emulate:
- adventurous / fun (childlike energy)
- loud, brash
- leader of men (to the point of being cruel to other guys)
- non-needy (through abundance mentality)
- spontaneous / in the moment
- teasing & challenging girls (i.e. breaking rapport)
- making girls chase by pushing them away
- “treat them mean to keep them keen”
- loved by other girls so jealousy kicks in
The three Dark Triad traits (narcissism, Machiavellianism and psychopathy) are there in full force meaning jerks are….jerks. Which means they’re magnets for pussy.
Since getting into Game I’ve been lucky enough to wing with, travel with and live with a few guys that had large elements of “natural” jerk traits. For some it was part of their core personality, for others it was from early positive reference experiences. They won’t mind me calling them loveable assholes as they know in pickup that’s a compliment.
My second daygame wing (who I met on a London seduction forum in late 2009) was a Spanish guy called Anthony. I struck gold with him as from our very first infield session together I could see he had the opposite sticking points to me. I was meek, mild and chronically nice. He was loud, cocky and intense. Whilst I had to calibrate up to showing my intent and breaking rapport, he had to calibrate down to easing off and bonding normally.
In high school Anthony had been on the football team and dated one of the hottest girls in the school for many years. He was about to finish his studies to go into the intense world of city trading so had that natural self-assuredness. After a couple of beers this confidence would flip to superman-like arrogance which did wonders for his date game.
Why would a guy like this be learning pickup you might ask? Well if you remove such a guy from his ecosystem of school / work / sports team and take away the crutch of alcohol, he’s almost lost. What he found so effortless in school is now a mystery to him when he has to cold approach in a big anonymous city.
We complemented each other well. He’d come from a serious academic background too so despite his boisterous exterior he was as fascinated in the minutia of social dynamics as I was. He’d push me to dress with more of an edge, improve my posture, speak louder, break rapport and be far more sexual with girls. I’d help him to build trust, story tell, calibrate to an environment and win over a group.
The best way to learn from jerks is to see them in action and absorb what they do infield through osmosis. I spent two years winging with him and we both witnessed each other’s pickup progression. As chronicled in my first book Daygame I banged many girls with Anthony (it’s only gay if your dicks touch, which they never did): the first was a Polish girl who I’d picked up, the second was a German girl he’d seduced, the third a French girl. We also smashed another German girl of mine together one New Year’s Eve (after a near-miss foursome but his Russian girl got cold feet and bolted). With Anthony I learnt how to promote for nightclubs by getting girls in off the street using daygame skills. To get the girls onto the dancefloor I’d take my infamous Torero belt off, hand him one end and get them to limbo underneath it.
Anthony was cocky, loud and very funny. He’d relentlessly knock girls off their pedestals and instinctively sexualise things quickly. I remember once in South Kensington seeing him walk into a pub, go straight up to two girls on stools at the bar and push their heads together for a three way make out. Things like that blew my mind at the time. We’d travel together to Riga in Latvia and more and more I realised how filthy he was. Later with a bisexual girlfriend he’d get into MFF threesomes and some BDSM and relay all the stories to me. I was still a naive sweet Primary School teacher and I was in awe.*
After Anthony I lived with a succession of daygamers who had jerk traits that I saw infield and learned a lot from. In the Marble Arch daygame house (described in this post) a Norwegian photographer came to stay for a couple of weeks. He knew nothing about pickup but had a background of being the top-dog in his social circle and something of a local celebrity in his Norwegian city. From a young age he’d had lots of hot girls in the palm of his hand. He was London to take photos for one of the housemate’s online business and was fascinated by the whole concept of daygame.
We took him out onto Oxford Street for a few hours and explained the London Daygame Model to him. He wasn’t really listening, just goofing around, shouting Borat impressions across the street and totally in his own reality. He walked with swagger, always self-ammusing and bantering. In the whole two weeks he never really changed his clothes – a scruffy basketball top, gym shorts and trainers. I remember showing him some demo sets and him asking “why do you talk to them for so long?!”
In around 10 days he pulled 7 girls back to the penthouse, mostly directly from the street as Same Day Lays and a couple after one evening drink. One of the last ones he fucked was a gorgeous tall model-like Danish girl who he’d pulled straight home from outside the metro. He didn’t have a room to fuck them in, just a dirty mattress on the living room floor behind a partition. The daygamers in the house were stunned by his success. With his “natural” arrogance and jerkboy characteristics he was tearing up our model and our results.
I’ve learnt so much from other daygamers I’ve spent time around. A housemate and instructor called Martin showed me the power of picking up IOIs and doing the heavy lifting with just tiger eyes. He was the master of Secret Society fast lays – once he clocked an IOI off of an American girl in a pub who was with all her friends. He called her over, took her outside into an alley off Leicester Square, fucked her and returned with her twenty minutes later. Her friends knew nothing.
Another legendary housemate, instructor and travelling partner called Dave taught me the power of being physical on the street and getting in close. He redefined the dating model that Anthony and I had come up with (which went on to become the “Girlfriend Sequence”) by pushing for one venue, one drink pulls back to the house immediately. He was the guy who I shot a porn film with (behind the camera, not in front!) and who was infamous for his kinky sex locations of toilets, parks, phone boxes and even a bus (as described in this post).
To those guys who taught me so much, I salute you. Only when you see for real how well girls respond to this asshole-like behaviour do you really believe it. It’s hard for the Nice Guy to accept that such behavioural male traits are what really turn girls on, but once you spend time around such “jerks” then you realise how magnetic and addictive the energy is. A greenhorn Nice Guy daygamer must then learn to emulate these behaviours (that’s what “learning Game” means) before adopting them, bit by bit, for real.