09/08/2017 by Tom Torero
For an introduction to this “dirty thirty” series of blog posts for my new book Below The Belt, go here.
Social To Sexual Daygame
When you’re starting out with daygame it’s normal to do it through your Nice Guy lens. If you’re introverted and shy then first you have to tackle social anxiety. Just leaving your house and chatting to strangers is an achievement for many. Then you have to move from being social and chatting to learning how to generate attraction with random girls you’re approaching. This is a difficult hurdle for the Nice Guy as he keeps slipping into rapport and his old supplicating ways.
The scaffolding structure of the London Daygame Model (LDM) aims to get the Nice Guy beyond this tricky stage of just socialising and making chit-chat. Non-threatening polite daygame will get you in the Friend Zone. Basic attraction but romantic ideals will get you in the boyfriend box. The real aim of the LDM is to give you admission to the Secret Society of being a playboy, as I decode in detail in my textbook Street Hustle. It’s at least a two year infield journey to get close but the rewards are massively worth it.
The LDM has evolved in the last seven years to reflect this transition from social to sexual daygame. The hundreds of bootcamp students I’ve taught have not only changed the way I teach the scaffolding structure, but also the content of the model. Whilst it’s fine for beginners to start out facing their fears and conquering approach anxiety, myself and fellow daygame instructors realised that most guys were then getting stuck in friendly daygame mode. They’d learn some basic attraction material (teasing, challenging, banter), good enough to collect phone numbers and get some dates, but the icing on the cake of sexualisation was missing. From humble indirect beginnings, the LDM has gone on to become the epitome of “not hiding your dick” yet that inner game summit is hard to teach.
My lecture series “Daygame 3.0” supplements my textbook to update the LDM (you can watch the first two parts here) but I’m aware that theory is not enough to carry the intermediate daygamer up the final section of the mountain. The only way to really upgrade your daygame from Nice Guy to bad boy is to immerse yourself infield and get plenty of notches under your belt. Resist the urge to settle down with the first hot girl that comes your way and push things sexually. Go for faster dates, Same Day Lays, do some filthy gutter game, hang around guys who are higher up the mountain than you.
From 2010 I’ve taught daygame with some extremely competent players that I’ve learnt a lot from myself. My first co-instructor was Jon Matrix who I taught in London with and then around the world. From him I learnt how to slow things down both on the street and on the date. His tiger eyes were excellent at taking things from attraction to arousal. He’d hold the girl’s hand on the street and step forwards, closing the distance to spike things up. Jon taught me the importance of holding sexual tension and dialling down your own investment after the hook point. “Less is more” he’d always say, reminding me not to come across as her entertaining clown.*
Another daygame instructor who I travelled with a lot (who started out as a cameraman) was a guy called Martin, who I’ve mentioned in this post. He had one of the best smirks I’ve seen which did much of the non-verbal attraction work for him. Whilst his verbal daygame was pretty pedestrian, like Jon he knew that the sub-communication was more important. He went on to show me how to do faster filthier dating, Secret Society style, and how to keep girls around through playful indifference.
One of the best students I’ve ever taught called Sam (who was only in his late teens at the time) quickly went on to become a daygame coach with me. He had a fantastically cheeky vibe on the street, holding their hand and pulling them close. Sam was very physical even in his daygame, playfully prodding them, examining their clothes or mock-hitting them with his umbrella. Often the sexual bubble he’d create with the girl would be so strong that it would pop after getting her number and she’d flake, so we’d often remind Sam not to lay on the magic too much and to fractionate it with some normality.
Perhaps the most sexual daygamer I’ve taught around the world with is Dave Diggler. His naturally mischievous, childlike vibe took things from zero to a hundred in seconds, with the attraction being converted to arousal instantaneously. Like Sam, he was very physical on the street and preferred filtering for Same Day Lays as he knew that his magnetic mojo was too strong and would trigger flakes if he just got a number. Craig Cassidy, who’s been teaching for me for the past year, has a similar advanced problem that because of sexual polarisation it’s often all or nothing, which is why he specialises in gutter game.
Sexual daygamers have excellent pre-approach calibration. My second wing Anthony (who I write about here) had a fantastic sixth sense for knowing which girls were up for it, as did Dave Diggler who could spot an ovulating girl from a mile off. It’s not about dividing girls into “good” or “bad,” instead it’s recognising which phase of a girl’s shifting sexual strategy she’s in. This gut instinct of a player, developed from dating and sleeping with hundreds of girls, is impossible to teach. It can only be gained through years of being infield. Often myself or another instructor will point out a subtle Indicator Of Interest to a student who’s completely oblivious to it.
My own daygame journey has taken me from friendly, social, boyfriend-like daygame to fast, filthy lover-like daygame. Girls spot the difference from the moment you approach them (or even as you’re about to approach). It’s the glint in your eye, your smirk and your swagger, as well as your fashion. Outer game experience leads to inner game transformation. The fake-it-till-you-make-it beginnings go on to become the real thing, and girls feel this on a very instinctive level. Often a guy will ask me “how does she know you are a lover?” and automatically reveal that he lacks the infield experience.
Will the LDM keep evolving? It’s a good question, but I think there’s a limit on how sexual you can make a daygame set without popping the bubble too much and turning it into just an extreme form of filtering. A vital rule of the Secret Society is that much of the pickup is implied and under-the-radar. It’s the subtly that’s so stimulating for girls. A guy who “just gets it” doesn’t need to put on a big performance for her.
And any model is just a model. Once you’ve got past intermediate stage of daygame it’s vital you take of the stabilisers and remove the safety net of the LDM to take things in your own direction. Out of structure comes freedom.
* I’m hoping to get Jon and Dave onto the podcast to reminisce about the old days and the evolution of the LDM. Sam’s harder to track down – last I heard he was in a relationship and living in Spain.