For an introduction to this “dirty thirty” series of blog posts for my new book Below The Belt, go here.
Soft & Hard – Warsaw, March 2017
Today’s post is a small window into some of my standard Secret Society texting once you’ve got a girl’s number from daygame and want to get her out.
The reason I’ve chosen this particular girl from a lay earlier in the year in Poland is because the whole thing illustrates the key concept of “Soft Dominance” very well. When guys imagine fast casual sex inside the Secret Society, they often mistake the lover-mode seduction as all pull-pull-pull. This overly dominant, overly keen pulling of the trigger is called “Hard Dominance” and actually creates more problems than it solves. If you overcook the escalation and go all in to quickly then a lot more token Last Minute Resistance is generated, along with Buyer’s Remorse from the girl.
Finding the sweet spot where you’re pulling fast and showing your intent but not burning it to the ground is tough. It takes a lot of infield calibration to know when to move forwards and when to back away, when to pull and when to push. It’s girl and situation dependent so can’t just be taught as theory.
A huge part of the Secret Society is that it must be infused with good emotions for the guy and the girl. In order to not come across as too much of an eager player and burst this fun bubble, the guy must fractionate his pulls. This is a critical concept to understand if you want to get good. Dominance must be switched on and off at the right time. In Game this is called “Soft Dominance” where she knows you want her but doesn’t feel like you need her. I term this being the “Badass Buddha” – intent infused with non-neediness. The sign of a good player is a guy who hits this sweet spot.
I stopped this petite 21 year old Ukrainian girl in a pedestrian tunnel in the centre of Warsaw as she was eating a bar of chocolate. She was wearing a tight leather jacket and a short skirt with black tights despite the cold. Very hot, typically Ukrainian with big eyes and feline features. I complimented her on her rock’n’roll style and then teased her about the chocolate.
You can see the usual opening text with callback humour to the Stack. When she replies that I’m “sweet” I use sarcasm about being “innocent” to add a sexual spike. Her reply tells me that she’s aware of the Secret Society frame, which was pretty strong in the initial flirty daygame interaction too.
Because she’s an emoticon girl I mirror that and use some too which helps with the subtleties that might be lost from Russian to English and back. I go for the date request the next day as I’m off travelling soon after. Her reply of a no but offering an alternative date is a green light.
I roll off and she comes back with a potential offer for Saturday night. But her word “maybe” tells you what’s about to happen. It doesn’t materialise so I remain silent and roll off to protect my value.
The vacuum causes her to ping me on Saturday morning. I reply with the caveman photo-ping which works well to set the male-female frame.
I’m checking to see if she’s up for coming out that night but I find out she’s relaxing at home. I spike things up again with the language of “chocolate, wine or a hot bath.” When she responds positively I spike further by adding the “English man” part. Her reply is another green light.
I bite the bullet (to sell on a high) and date request again, getting her to tell me when she’s free. As soon as I know I lock down logistics to capitalise on her relaxed chatty mood. I mention the bringing of chocolate as a way to seed getting her back to my apartment after the drinks. Her response confirms that she’s enjoying the playful banter mixed with sexual innuendos. This is Soft Dominance personified: sexual but not salivating. On but not on fire.
She arrives before me (17:02) and I get her to come to where I’m standing (17:03). Note the gap then in text messages as the first date commences. The usual Torero date structure of two venues, two drinks, then the bounce back to my apartment. It’s on, we’re making out, fooling around but she won’t fuck. She promises that it will happen the following night when she’ll dress up sexier. As soon as she gets home she sends me that message about the “shorter black dress.”
My reply at 22:25 is a bit keen (overly sexual) but I’m horny because of the blue balls and I’ve had too much whiskey.
But she’s had as much whiskey too and responds positively, so I’m almost sure she’ll be back the next night. I didn’t go past the “point of no return” with my escalation on the bed, fractionating away from all pull-pull-pull, so I didn’t overcook it too much.
I don’t message her on purpose the following day, not to seem too keen. It works and she messages me, telling me when she’ll be done with her drama studies rehearsals. The “cigars” are another seeding trick of something in my apartment we’ll have to go and check out.
She arrives at 17:02 and I come a minute later to the meeting point. We walk straight to my house, smoke the cigars, drink some more whiskey and fuck like rabbits. She’s a girl I keep on rotation for the next few months as the sex is so good.
The point of today’s post is not the lay story, but the nuances of a typical text flow to set it up. I’m on then I’m off. I’m subtle and implied, under-the-radar not like a bull in a china shop. The Secret Society demands this. You can’t just be blatant. She needs to know that you could pounce at any time, but that you’re also fun and a bit fluffy. Getting this sweet-but-spicy balance just right is at the heart of learning Game, just like learning how to cook. Too sweet and you’re Mr Nice. Too spicy and you’re try try-hard Casanova.
Don’t understand all the pickup terminology in this post? Get hold of my textbook Street Hustle which explains the A-Z of daygame, texting and dating principles, all in one place.