Coffee Shop Bridge Date


If you’ve done a lot of daygame and dating in Russia and the Former Soviet Union (FSU) then you’ll be aware of how the usual date model has to be tweaked there. In my book Cold Calling I give many case studies illustrating these differences.

Collecting phone numbers and setting up dates is usually not the issue, but battling through endgame to sex is. Russian girls have very strong frames (to test for strong male polarity) and in much of the FSU the Fast-Sex culture still isn’t the norm. Younger girls (18-21) are often also busy at university and working a side job so it’s a battle to get them out quickly.

In the last five years I’ve adapted my date model in Russia and the FSU to look something like this:

  1. First date as normal. Evening. Two venues, two drinks, verbal & physical escalation,  going for the kiss, trying for the bounce (usually declined)
  2. Bridge date in a coffee shop. 30-45 minutes to roll off
  3. Third date walk in a park, then to a supermarket and back to mine for food / film. Escalate until Token LMR impassible 
  4. Fourth date at mine to seal the deal only if I’ve seen clear progression on third date


Around 10% of the time you can get a girl back to yours on the first date and get the notch, but it’s not the norm. Around 50% of the time you can get the kiss and she might even come in to your apartment, but the Token LMR / ASD shutters come down and you find yourself over-escalating and thus seeming needy.

To counteract this, I now add in the Coffee Shop Bridge Date a few days after the first evening date to serve as the “Buddha” to the previous “Badass” escalation. It’s a cooling off period for rapport and normality, showing her you’re not only a horndog. It goes something like this:

  • In the middle of the day, invite her to a coffee shop where you’re already there working on your laptop. Tell her it’s only for 30 minutes. Make her come to you, that’s very important
  • Be calm and relaxed. Sit opposite her. No more escalation for now. Seem slightly distracted by your work and remind her that you’re busy
  • Do some normal rapport building as you get her to invest and open up about her studies / life. Seed a next proper date by talking about food/films
  • Finish your coffee, suddenly get up (or take a phone call) and say you have to get going. Kiss her briefly and leave.¬†


This quick bridge dates serves multiple purposes. It is the “push” that neutralises the “pull” of the first date. It shows her that you’re not overly focussed on just her. It’s enigmatic and gets her hamster wheel spinning. It adds in the comfort that you skipped on the first date. And most importantly it lays down the train tracks for getting her to come out on the next date (which is going to be back at yours). Without the bridge date she might well flake after the first date because she senses you’re all pull-pull-pull.

NB: Remember that this is a model for Russian / FSU girls. If you’re in Western Europe, North America or Australia you should be going for the lay on the first date, using my classic model.

6 thoughts on “Coffee Shop Bridge Date”

  1. Hi Tom,

    Very good post, I had the exact same experience. While this behavior in the west shows that the girl has the frame and you should just go on to the next one and not lose your time, with russians it’s a bit more complicated. They are not more difficult (usually it’s even easier to get the hook with them) but they will make you wait longer.

    Everytime I followed the same model to get the lay with russians:

    – 1st date with two venues: kiss close (even if she says she doesn’t kiss on the first date, don’t react and try later, most of times you’ll get the kiss, if not the problem is elsewhere), bounce back (may or may not happen). When the girl was in my place we were kissing on the bed and getting excited but they LMR’d everytime.

    – 2nd date at my place where she brings food and cooks for me. I always tell her I can be a little patient but i want to see if she’s a good woman (that makes her feel feminine they like it, sorry to all the feminists out there). Usually I have sex even before cooking (just take her to my room to leave her stuff when she arrives, make the move by putting her on the bed, etc..). It makes the diner even better.

    – If we didn’t have sex on the 2nd date, I re-invite her home until I have sex with her. I wouldn’t advise to do more than 3 dates though. I had the lay with a Kazakh with heavy princess behavior after 5 dates (but the sex was bad so not very worth it).

    Russian girls can seem very hard to tame in the beginning but once you’ve had sex with them you can pretty much ask everything from them (like clean your place, make you food) and they’ll do it and be happy about that (sorry again for the feminists). Plus they are in my opinion the hottest women in the world. But careful, it’s easy to fall in the trap of settling down with them, the comfort they give being amazing.

    Thanks for the post Tom, keep up the good work.

  2. How about asian girls, in general, Tom.
    I have been gaming the largest population of this type in my country, thanks

    [Asians seem shy on the date (and don’t respond well to public escalation) but bounce them home on the first date and they turn into wild nymphos. Listen to Podcast #83 on daygaming in Japan – TT]

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