Provider Game


Be her lover or her provider. Choose one – it’s your decision. The girl is your mirror so she’ll go along with which one you present yourself as at the start.

If you follow this blog and my material then you’ll hopefully know how and why girls have this dual-mating strategy written into their DNA. Being in the Secret Society is all about your role as a lover, which I’ve written about extensively here.

But let’s consider the providers. The men who compensate for a lack of Sexual Market Value (SMV) in most areas with literal resources. They’re buying approval and negotiating sex with cash, gifts, holidays and rewards. “If I take you to Rome then you will sleep with me.”

You could say that it’s a convoluted form of prostitution, which confirms a man’s beta status and repulses women on a hindbrain level because of this. “But Tom, isn’t all sex just a value exchange, aren’t we all providers?” a guy will usually ask. No, because sex as a lover is raw, passionate and validating. She’s sexually attracted to you. Sex as the provider feels inherently inferior. Just like paying for a lap dance or a hooker your body knows that it’s transactional. She’s hustling you:


The irony (that players take advantage of) is that being a rich guy in the West is now a Demonstration Of Lower Value (DLV). With girls having their own financial freedom then providers are regarded as redundant and unnecessary at best, grovelling and sad at worst.

So take off the flashy watch. Forget the pressed shirts and pocket squares. Replace the pimp pad dream with some bad boy banter. Learn to seduce with your charm rather than your credit card. Get her into bed with your frame, not your Ferrari. Be her bad boy lover, not her beta bank account. 



16 thoughts on “Provider Game”

  1. I agree totally except for the part when you say « being rich is DLV ». I wouldn’t go that far. Having a good situation means you’re smart, independent, not always that you’re a provider. It still is in the west a DHV (if you don’t brag about it).

    I would even add that most guys i’ve seen being providers are rarely rich guys but average that could sacrifice everything only for one girls because of one itis / scarcity.

  2. If u have no money, you can’t seduce a girl for LONG TERM.
    Everything needs money now, that’s the truth.

    [Nope, sex (short term) is the goal, and the message of this site. If you want to keep a girl around long term, use a solid frame, not financial bribes – TT]

    1. Frame is more important than money. If we needed money to have a wife then all the hand-workers would be celibate, which is not the case

    2. When you get good at game, you’ll find that more and more girls will be willing to pay for you and fund your own lifestyle. This is how Pimps operate.

      As other commenters have said. Women make their own money. If you believe otherwise, then you’ve lost the frame.

  3. This is a dilemma for me cos I’ve seen how provider game works in real life. I’ve seen so many examples Of hot Russian women who are dating/married to rich guys in London, New York or Dubai. Think of supermodels like Natalia Vodianova and Vita Sidorkina who are married to billionaires. I’m sure some of those guys also have strong frame, but you cannot deny provider game works. Can you imagine a Russian model marrying a bad boy on the doll?

    1. Game only works till a certain extent. Of course, you may have game + provider + good looking package into ONE. But it’s extremely rare. When it comes to long term, money always a main priority (comes first) in this realistic society.

  4. >>Be her lover or her provider. Choose one – it’s your decision

    Disagree. Both alpha and beta traits are attractive to women. And for guys that aren’t physically attractive, emphasizing their provider traits and upping their money/status is the only way they can punch above their weight.

    >>is that being a rich guy in the West is now a Demonstration Of Lower Value (DLV)

    Could not disagree more. Money IS attractive, and women in the West will sleep with you because your wealth is perceived status, whether you are sharing it with them or not.

    >>So take off the flashy watch. Forget the pressed shirts and pocket squares. Replace the pimp pad dream with some bad boy banter.

    As the meme goes, why can’t we have both?

    1. You can’t send mixed signals. Gotta be one or other. If you’ve got lots of experience in Secret Society sex as a PUA then you’ll understand. Only guys who do pay-for-play in Thailand, Dom Rep etc still kid themselves that girls don’t have lovers and providers. Peace.

      [Spot on – TT]

      1. Disagree.

        You can still send alpha signals and have good style/play up your wealth. It will only add to your sexual market value.

        Who is a girl going to fuck?

        The “strong frame guy who reads PUA articles online” but doesn’t appear to have a job, no status, just a random guy.


        Guy with a strong frame. Makes his own money, CEO of a company or runs his own business. Dresses in suits, but follows the exact same advice as the first guy.

  5. Loving the frame-oriented content. Abundance and frame control will always win over providing resources. Even rich guys will become subjugated by the hottie who plays the better hand. We can walk outside and replenish our stock while the woman, who’s value is diminishing by the minute, can not as easily replenish one provider with another (while having her lover needs met).

    Tom, thank you!

  6. Girls effectively see two marketplaces – one for lovers and one for providers. Having more money of course gives more potential as a provider, but money can lead the girl to see the man as a potential provider, which will likely disqualify the man a potential fast sex lover. So money can be a DLV for the aspiring lover.

    1. You’re correct, because i’ve convinced girls to ”split motel fees” with me when i was almost broke as a student, thanks to frame control. That girl even tested me by ”push pull” handing me money, while taking it back with a smile, i responded correctly with IOD inside my car, and she stil followed my lead

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