Ernest Hemingway famously called the blank unwritten page the “white bull.” That intimidating vastness of possibility that a creative person faces each time he stares it straight in the eye. Where to begin? What to start? Which direction to go in?
When I quit my regular 9-5 job in 2012 as a school teacher to become a full-time daygame coach I faced that white bull like never before. The freedom was unnerving, like sitting on the edge of the Grand Canyon and feeling the dizzying abyss beneath.
I could wake up when I wanted to, wear what I liked, go where I wanted. By 2013 I was travelling the world full time – no boss, no permanent address, no ties. To the average guy with a job, marriage and mortgage this sounds like bliss, but what not many people realise is that limitless possibilities can be deeply disturbing.
You have to learn to be be self-sufficient. To be your own boss, make your own schedule, work out how to sustain friendships and relationships as a wandering nomad. You have to overcome procrastination, temper your debauchery and be the captain of your own ship.
Every January when I buy a new notebook I feel the white bull’s presence staring at me intensely. Where will I choose to travel to? Who will I travel with? What videos will I make? What books will I write? What girls will I focus on?
The white bull is both terrifying and exhilarating. I’m so grateful that being a Torero is my full time job where I’m living with this ecstatic fear daily.