An important question from my inbox today:
I’m an 18 year old guy living in Florida and just starting out with pick up. How many separate new lays do you think a guy needs to have to understand girls, get skilled and not fall into monogamy traps too easily?
On my coaching calls I usually tell clients the answer to that question is 30 notches. That means having sex with 30 separate girls from cold approach pickup (daygame or night game) without using your social circle, Tinder, online dating or paying for a bang.
Why 30? 10 is too small a sample size (the male average lifetime lay count is around 7, and that’s with no game knowledge). Over 50 would require a significant amount of approaching over a longer time period. But 30 is both achievable in 2-3 years (the time it takes to learn cold approach) and enough to show you the true nature of women.
Guys with low notch counts often suffer from:
- Oneitis / neediness / clinginess due to scarcity of options
- Settling too soon, giving up pickup after an early notch
- Being easily hustled by provider-seeking females
- Purity Fantasy (“Not All Women Are Like That”) from low sample size
- Game scepticism because of a lack of real-world reference experiences infield
- Too much pickup theory as a buffer to making approaching a habit
- Anger / frustration / jealousy (“Why aren’t they sleeping with me!”)
It’s a realistic goal for a PUA to sleep with one new girl a month from going out and cold approaching regularly. So that’s 12 new notches a year, and over 30 after doing around 3 years of Game infield. Whatever your age, 3 years to get this part of your life sorted is not much at all. I started in my late twenties, so the sender of the email (aged 18) is a decade ahead of me.
After 30 bangs you’ll walk around with sexual swagger. Girls will see the confidence in your smirk and twinkling eyes. You’ll no longer obsess about any one girl or see females as innocent goddesses to be pedestalised. Those 30 bangs are your membership card into the Secret Society.