Leave Her Guessing

Be enigmatic with girls.
Let her hamster wheel mind spin and try to fill in the blanks. She’ll do the attraction-building work for you when you’re not even there. Ambiguity and suspense keeps her coming back for more.

Women love trying to “tame the wild man” and figure him out. It’s at the heart of every chick flick and romantic novel. Be the puzzle that she longs to solve, the unpredictable guy who’s both hot and cold. Some practical examples include:

  • Start conversational threads and then cut them mid way through (“open loops”)
  • don’t answer her questions logically (or at all)
  • wear a few interesting items (ring, pendant, watch) with a cryptic story (“peacocking”)
  • make sure your Facebook / Instagram has a photo stack that feeds her curiosity 
  • have a stockpile of intriguing DHV stories that have been tried and tested
  • leave items in your apartment that will trigger her imagination (trinkets from other girls, mementos with backstories)
  • use vacuuming / ghosting to create tension loops (as discussed in Podcast 125)


Such enigma is one of the key traits of Most Interesting Man In The World Game, as caricatured in the Dos Equis commercials:

The danger with this kind of Game is that it can seem try-hard (if you’ve not got the real world experience to back it up) or that you’re being too evasive for a suspicious reason. Thus it’s a balancing act to find the enigmatic sweet spot which I’ll talk about in the next podcast.

Universal Fractionation

What’s the most fundamental concept in Game? I’d argue it’s fractionation – learning when to pull and when to push. When to be hot and when to be cold. When to reel in and when to release. Too much of either will ruin the pickup. A masterful seducer will have the balance just right (calibration) through infield experience.

My 2014 seminar “Badass Buddha” was on this single idea and how it applies to Game from a micro to a macro level. Today’s daygame podcast covers the key points from this talk and explains how it applies to getting a girl to chase you.

Where PUAs Go To Die

Many professional Pickup Artists vanish from the Game, hanging up their boots like retired baseball players. Why they quit and what happens to them is the subject of today’s article, inspired by an email I received a week or so ago:

“Hi Tom,

Just a quick question if I may. I admire the fact you don’t hide from being a PUA and don’t water things down. Why do so many coaches switch from pussy to self development or just turn their back on pickup altogether?

Keep rocking in the free world!


It’s an excellent question, and something I’ve thought a lot about. You can divide up the main reasons for PUA “retirement” into three categories:

  1. They get married / under-the-thumb and denounce the player life
  2. They cough the Red Pill back up and resort to Purple Pill ideology
  3. Boredom

Firstly, many former PUAs and players choose to “settle down” and get married. Despite not believing in monogamy myself, I don’t have a problem with guys doing this if they’ve spent years infield collecting notches and then decide they want kids. It’s not something I’m going to do but I understand a guy who’s 35+ and wants a genetic legacy.

This scenario is only a problem if a young, greenhorn guy with a couple of years of pickup experience suddenly finds “The One” and starts preaching how he’s “over pickup” and how “wrong” and “shallow” the player lifestyle is. He’s actually going through his first bout of serious Oneitis and trying to justify his emotional decision making by shaming the community from which he came.

Secondly there are many players who start off using pickup to get laid but who then freak out when they glimpse the true nature of male-female dynamics. Raw Red Pill truths are too much for them to handle, causing them to retreat back to the safety of being a “Life Coach.” They water down Red Pill to Purple Pill, hiding their actual intent behind pseudo-science, New Age Spirituality and other such masks.

Lastly there are many guys who start pickup blogs, podcasts and channels only to abandon them a couple of years down the line. They might still be single and leading the player lifestyle, but they’ve gotten bored of documenting it and realised that making money from it is a long slog. Some players might also experience pickup fatigue if they’ve been in the Game long enough and have accumulated sufficient notches. This is usually temporary as some “time off” is all it takes to get their horniness back.

In the past few years I’ve stated multiple times why I dislike “Self Development” and why I’ve got no plans of stopping pickup until at least 2030:

I answer the many questions about “settling down,” having kids and “manning up” in Part 3 of my “Black Sheep” series of blog posts from last year.

So fear not. I’ve got no plans for marriage, balancing my shakras or teaching yoga. This blog and my channel will remain about chasing tail, hustling on the road and not hiding my metaphorical dick all over the world.


In any human interaction, one person is reacting more than the other. By reacting less than the girl you’re showing you’re holding the frame and are thus higher value.

Triggering a girl to react (and invest) more than you can be achieved in many ways:

On the street:

  • teasing
  • challenging
  • standing solid
  • speaking slowly
  • overcoming her shit tests
  • qualifying her (open questions / stealth questions)
  • vacuuming 


Over text:

  • writing less than her
  • taking longer to respond
  • qualifying her
  • ignoring her threads / questions 
  • ghosting


On the date:

  • leaning back
  • slow body movements
  • looking away
  • challenging
  • qualifying
  • using a false disqualifier
  • overcoming her shit tests


Want to get a firm grip on all these frame tricks and techniques? Read my textbook Street Hustle to get the complete Torero Toolkit in hardback form.

Daygame Intel

I stopped off in London for 48 hours on my way east to finish documentary filming, do a meet up and shoot this video all about gathering “daygame intel” whilst out hustling and dating. Cheers to all the guys who came to the South Bank to say hello yesterday 🙂


Below is an expanded list of key intel that you should be looking out for on the street and in your date venues:

NB: If you’re new to daygame and cold approach pickup, forget these lists for now and just approach and escalate. It takes a while to get calibrated to these signals. 


On The Street (Pre-Approach Calibration)

  1. Speed of her walk
  2. Swaying hips (ovulation)
  3. Tighter fitting / revealing clothes (ovulation)
  4. Alternative fashion
  5. The area she’s in
  6. Time of day she’s out
  7. Indicators Of Interest (IOIs) or Approach Invitations (AIs)


On The Street (In Set)

  1. Choker / piercings / tattoos
  2. Alternative / outsider vibe
  3. Solo tourist
  4. 18-21 years old
  5. Dreamy / artistic
  6. Speed of hook
  7. Anime eyes
  8. Flushed cheeks
  9. Acceptance of proximity
  10. She touches you
  11. Ambling / care-free / no plans


On The Date

  1. What she turns up for the date wearing
  2. What time does she have to be home?
  3. Where does she live?
  4. Who does she live with?
  5. Are her parents still together?
  6. What kind of movies / music does she like?
  7. Has she travelled alone?
  8. Is she adventurous / a risk taker?
  9. What kind of guys is she attracted to?
  10. What time does she have to get up in the morning?
  11. Compliance to your verbal / physical escalation
  12. Depth of her eye contact
  13. If she touches you
  14. If she asks where you live

Get Busy Living

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Hey Tom,

I’m Mr F, I’m 28, living in [the USA]. I’m new to daygame but discovered your channel almost a year ago.

I’ve been meaning to write you just to let you know how important what you’re doing is and how grateful I am. It’s important on so many levels! You’ve impacted so many aspects of my life. I thank you for what you do, you’re improving my life tremendously. I’m extremely busy nowadays so this shouldn’t be long. You’re actually a big part of why I’m busy. One of the things that impacted me the most is how you always preach about taking action. Now I’m taking action. I was on that “dream, hope, motivation Tony Robbins” stage for so long. I don’t know if I would’ve gotten out of it if it wasn’t for you. You’re influencing my life in a big way, positively. Thank you”


An email I received today from Mr F living in America. A guy taking action, not just watching endless motivational videos. “Get busy living or get busy dying” as the quote goes from the movie Shawshank Redemption. And Mr F is doing just that.