The Girl As Your Mirror


If you slow down and process the feedback that social interactions keep giving you then you’ll be able to fix errors and get more results. Learn to decode the messages that girls keep reflecting back at you to change your daygame and dating.

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To be in Podcast Episode 200 send me an mp3 audio of you (under 60 seconds) with the following three things:

  • Name (or pseudonym)
  • Location
  • One big thing you’ve learned from the ‘daygame mirror’

Email it to tom at tomtorero dot com with the subject “Podcast 200”

Reframe 101


There are two classic ways to overcome someone trying to ‘take the frame’ in an interaction and pass that particular ‘shit test’…

  1. Ignore. Be non-reactive. Change topic. Move on
  2. Agree & Amplify (‘Cocky Funny’). Mock. Tease. Playfully accuse

For this article I’ll just focus on the second method – learning to reframe things using the cocky funny approach. 

Remember that these are just examples. Make them your own. And delivery (voice tonality, facial expressions plus an underlying playfulness) is essential. She has to know it’s just flirting. Any sign of being reactive or sour means you’ve lost the frame.

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“Do you stop and talk to every girl on the street?”

You’re number 113 today, I need a break


Only the cute ones


“How old are you?!”

Too old for you


87 but I’ve had plastic surgery


“Sorry I have a boyfriend”

I’ve also got a boyfriend, but he’s in prison


Aww, cute, I’ve got a dog


“Is that a pick-up line?”

If you want it to be


Let me try another one…Do you come from Jamaica? Because you’re Ja-making me crazy 😉


“Why aren’t you married?”

I’m looking for a Sugar Mommy so I can put my feet up


I’ve got 6 wives, but I take the day off on Sundays


“How tall are you?”

Above average…where it counts 


“Buy me a drink”

You’ve got to earn it….name the five oceans of the world…


Does that work on other guys?!


“You just want to get laid”

Slow down, you’ve got a filthy mind, I’m not that easy


“You’re sexist”

I think the word you’re looking for is sexiest 


“Your shirt / shoes / tie / hat sucks”

Stop checking me out, I’m not just a piece of meat! 


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Extra resources from the video archive:


Back Into The Swing Of Things

“Dear Uncle Tom,

It feels a little strange calling you uncle considering I’m 53 now. You feel more like a little brother that outlived and out gamed his big brother. So as brotherly love goes, I feel very fortunate for my own sake that I discovered you and so proud of what you have achieved.

I’m going to write you a bit of a long story now because I feel that you like a long story. I hope it’s a good story. Who knows, maybe you will want to read it on your podcast 200. I’d be thrilled.

I discovered you on March 15, 2019 where you were mentioned in an online pick up course I was doing. Since then, I’ve been listening to your podcasts, sometimes in marathon sessions in my spare time and while travelling. I think you hooked me instantly. You’re quite a seducer Tom.

For the past 2 months I have been practicing your teachings with small successes. I’m afraid I can’t offer any lay reports yet. Not even close. Due to my crippling AA, I’ve only managed 15 sets, 10 number closes, and 2 dates with 2 girls. Both were 30 yrs old and in the 7 to 8 range. I do however try to be more charming and seductive with all my interactions now. It just improves my vibe overall and I feel happier doing it.

I’m currently on a flight from Seoul to my home in XXXX and instead of trying to sleep, I felt compelled to write to you. I work on small to large construction projects worldwide for weeks or months at a time, so I get plenty of time for daygame. Since January I’ve been working in China and Korea. I spent the last week in XXXX where I did 8 approaches and got 1 date. I was at the beach and I felt a pretty good vibe.

Then it all came crashing down and last night I had a bit of a mental meltdown. I was in XXXXX where I researched was a good place to meet hot girls. Well indeed there were a lot of hotties. I suffered 3 blowouts in a row and it rattled me hard. I spent the next 2 hours walking around in a depressed daze with the weasels spinning in my head. I wanted to do more approaches, but I didn’t. I was crushed. 

This however, is not a story of defeat and despair Tom. I know that these rejections are just what I need to grow. I’ve never put my ego on the line like this before and it is fucking painful. I’ve been the classic Mr Nice Guy all my life. From a very early age in Catholic school, I remember studying stories of Jesus and how he loved and helped so many people and was so kind to everyone. I bought into this load of crap and told myself that I want to be just like that. In the process I denied myself of my natural emotions and behaviour and suppressed my desires and internalised so much shame.

When I was a teenager, girls would give me huge IOI’s. Peers would tell me how much  certain girls liked me but I almost always choked from the pressure. I had a few GF’s as a teenager but nothing stuck. I realise now, that I was just too nice. 

After high school, I moved out and shortly after, met my first wife. We had 2 kids together but split up when I was 30. I woke up one day and decided that I could not live with this  crazy woman any longer.

Shortly after that I met wife 2. This lasted until I was 50 and as far as marriage goes, it was actually pretty good. We had some fun sexual adventures. Mostly swinging, and a few random hook ups with her friends. Then  we decided to open our marriage and I managed to seduce a hot 33 yr old yoga body French Canadian. I got serious one-itis for this girl and my wife felt rejected and left me. 

Now this girl lives with me. She is very different from my last wife. When you say the girl is your mirror, well this one sure as fuck is that. She has called me out on all my needy behaviors and has indirectly brought me to this point. 

Now I’m on my way home to face the next phase of my life. I’ve taken the red pill Tom and like you said, if I don’t turn it into action, it will destroy me. So my plan is to have this girl as  part of a harem but if that doesn’t work then I will have to shoot the puppy. I cannot be monogamous any longer.

The thought of being single again after 33 yrs is a little scary, but actually not as scary as jumping in front of a hot girl. I’m a pretty fit and handsome guy Tom. I have early and current reference of hot girls being attracted to me, so I know I can climb this daygame mountain and I’m proud of myself for just taking some baby steps for now.

Thank you Tom for all that you have done for us men who lost our way. You are a beacon in the fog and the most influential man I have ever known or read. You have shown me a new path for my life. You are helping me remember who I really am. A confident, successful, masculine, and most importantly, an unapologetically sexual man.

Cheers mate,

Mr Freeme”

IOI Daygame


What about approaching girls during the day who’ve already given you a subtle invitational glance or smile? Doesn’t that take all the pain out of having to learn cold approach pickup?

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Video resources mentioned in the podcast:



Harem Hustle #10: Dethroning The Queen


In Part 9 of this series I went over how to give girls you’re sleeping with casually “The Talk” if they become too clingy.

Today’s topic goes one step further when you’ve tried that advice but the girl is pushing hard for monogamy. Things have gotten too serious and it’s time to let her go.

Each year there are certain girls who stand out more than others and who I develop a soft spot for. Over time the oxytocin flows and casual sex becomes something more. One by one you start breaking the Lover Rules and your status shifts from casual fuck boy to potential or actual boyfriend.

It’s usually the fault of you both. She’s pushing for monogamy bit by bit and you’re relinquishing your lover frame. She leaves a toothbrush in your apartment. You go to the cinema with her. She cooks for you and sleeps over on the weekends. You take her on a road trip. Even though she knows you have other girls in your life she’s taken on the role of harem queen.

This shift towards potential monogamy with one girl in your harem will harm your other leads and lovers. You’ll feel like doing less cold approach pickup, have less time to convert other active leads and fewer opportunities to service girls you’re already sleeping with.

If you’ve tried giving her The Talk and keeping things open but it hasn’t worked then it’s time to be a man andShoot The Puppy,’ as I explain in this article. The harem queen has to be dethroned before your entire rotation collapses.

This situation has happened to me already this year. A girl I’d closed in snowy Moscow in January and who I was seeing every few weeks was getting more and more clingy. She wanted more of my investment. I kept seeing her because she was 21, hot and the sex was great. I tried The Talk in February but I could see it hadn’t fully worked. It got to the point where I knew I had to do something.

Shooting The Puppy is never pleasant, but in life you sometimes have to be cruel to be kind. A fast clean break is much better than a protracted messy on-off situation. I ended things with her and stopped all communication. The queen had to fall in order for my other games of seduction chess to continue.

Losing My Virginity Through Daygame

True romance in Marks & Spencer

“Hi Tom,

Sit back and grab some Earl Grey, this is a long one

My name is XXX, I’m 18 and last night I lost my virginity through daygame.

Despite being a decent looking guy I was never particularly good with girls (mainly due to being a fat nerd when I was younger), I had a couple of girls who were into me when I was about 14 but I was too scared to pull the trigger and ask them out. Before daygame I had never even kissed a girl

I started doing pickup in August in XXXX with my older brother who introduced me to game and I did my first 60ish sets there. Then I started taking trips to London to bash out the approaches in volume. I decided London was the place to be and I’ve now permanently moved to London on my own to get good at pickup, no more mummy cooking and washing for me.

As everyone loves to hear, before the accomplishment of my first lay there was a lot of pain and suffering. My first near miss wasn’t from daygame but was a customer from work (I work in a shop) who added me on facebook out of the blue. I went on three dates, went back to hers and was about to fuck her but I had erectile dysfunction (because of years of too much porn) and couldn’t do the deed.

My second near miss was from a daygame approach. I met a girl in Covent Garden while out with a wing and she came out on the date. I did the two venue model, bounced her to my Airbnb and got a blowjob, the next morning I was about to fuck her and again the ED happened. After that I learned my lesson; I haven’t watched porn since and have invested in some viagra.

I met last nights girl in the basement of M&S around lunchtime on Wednesday while out with my brother. She came out on a date the next day, and I ran my regular dating routines (mostly copied from you) over two drinks at the hippodrome casino. Then I went for the long bounce back to my home in zone 5 and she was happy to oblige.

I let her play my guitar and then put on the seductive lighting, and you can tell what happened next. It wasn’t vanilla missionary sex like I imagine most guy’s first times go; it was rough fucking in a few positions, dirty talk, spanking, pulling hair, finger in her mouth and asshole, light choking…

I’d like to say a massive thanks for all the great content, and I hope this has been an enjoyable read. Good luck with your hareem hustle

All the best,


Victory Day Lay Report

Erect, cocked and ready to fire ma’am 


Yesterday’s new notch here in Russia is worth writing up because of the symbolism involved. Lots of learning points too with a weak ‘Maybe’ girl giving mixed signals that had to be decoded.

I stopped this girl a few weeks ago towards the end of April in a new part of the city. Tired of my usual daygame route I’d taken the metro out a few stops to look for other hotspots. It ended up being a failed mission with lots of walking around and a poor concentration of girls. I was now tired and hungry. Before getting back on the metro I told myself I had to get one proper lead.

This girl was hurrying towards the station. Petite, brunette, blue eyes like a Siberian husky. She spoke zero English so the rushed set was done with single words and hand gestures. I got the number but it felt very flaky.

But texting was surprisingly solid. She was quick to reply, we took it in turns using Google Translate to write in Russian or English and she seemed keen to meet. I was off to the UK and then Helsinki for a couple of weeks so put her on the back burner with occasional pinging.

Back in Russia she flaked on an arranged date once but a few days later I managed to get her out for an after-work coffee (she’d told me over text she didn’t drink). Just like the texting it was weirdly on as we sat next to each other in the coffee shop. She was giving the big eyes, touching me first and floppy when I touched her back. The whole date was done on Google Translate using our phones.

It felt so strangely on so quickly that I decided to try for a bounce home (even though she’d said she only had an hour). I suggested a walk and ten minutes later we miraculously strolled right past my apartment door. She agreed to come up while I “got my jacket” but sat on a stool in the corner of the kitchen and told me she wanted to walk back to the metro soon.

Russia being Russia, I didn’t want to crash the car by going too fast. We headed back out and she insisted on giving me a personal walking tour of the historical sights (which I pretended to know nothing about). We acted like a teenage couple, giggling at silly things and me picking her up and twirling her around like a honeymoon…


After a loop of the main sights I walked her back to the metro and gave her a quick kiss on the lips goodbye. It felt solid for the next time.

What seemed like a good lead then unravelled over the next week or so. She went rather cold over messages and would reply “maybe” to my date suggestions. I managed to set up an evening date but she flaked a few hours before. In a huff I went out to do a daygame session to lift my spirits and happened to stumble upon her and her female friend on the main street. They both had beers in their hands. Sheepishly she greeted me and I made sure to banter with her friend rather than give her attention. After a few minutes I made my excuses and left.

With other leads to follow I’d given up on this girl, she seemed like a time waster. It all went quiet. Until yesterday. 9th May, “Victory Day” in Russia with a big celebration to commemorate the surrender of Nazi Germany in 1945.

Despite being a huge holiday, not a good day for daygame. Closed off streets, families everywhere, military parades and police controlling the crowds. I made the most of the good weather by enjoying the spectacle and taking photos.


Late afternoon I headed home to take a break and try to set up a date over text for the evening (two girls had already flaked that day because of the family celebrations).

Out of nowhere the girl from this story messaged to ask if I was in the centre and up for meeting. I sighed when I read the message. Should I put my gear on again, head out and meet her if it was just going to be another coffee-to-nowhere? With no other plans I said fuck it and decided to meet her. I quickly tidied the apartment, put a condom in my wallet and headed down to the meeting point.

She texted again saying she was 15 minutes late and that she was meeting friends later for the fireworks. Fuck. Not looking good. I decided to do a Hail Mary and use the “Supermarket Sweep” trick from Street Hustle. This involves going to the nearest supermarket and buying a few beers in a bag which you bring with you to the date to cut out the need for a bar.

There she was at the meeting point wearing a slim black dress, black tights and all smiles. Using Google Translate she explained she’d been watching the parade with friends and then drinking beers in the park (so the whole “I don’t drink” thing which girls say often isn’t true). Pointing to her watch she explained she had exactly one hour before going back to her friends.

Pull the trigger Tom. No time for date venues or multiple bounces. I walked her straight back to my apartment which was 10 minutes away, pointing to the shopping bag and saying we’d “put this in my house.” She happily followed and came straight up like on the last date.

This time she came in, took off her shoes, sat on the bed and turned on the TV without me saying anything. Happy days I thought as I cracked open a beer and handed it to her.

We hugged, then kissed, but she kept sitting bolt upright and checking her phone every two minutes. I’d put it back on the bedside table and resume the escalating. The kissing got heavier and I put her hand on my crotch. “Not today” she wrote in Google Translate. “It is Victory Day. Serious occasion. We cannot.”

Cockblocked by a Russian military anniversary. Bollocks. I rolled off went back to drinking my beer and watching the TV. On the clock I could see we had 30 minutes left before she said she was meeting friends. My roll off worked and she snuggled back into me, pressing herself up to me. We kissed some more. “Next time” she wrote on her phone. “You fast man!”

The kissing got heavier. I put her hand down my jeans and put my hand under her tights. She moaned. “Tom, prezervativ?” she asked. Thank god I knew that meant “condom” in Russian.

Clothes off. Condom from wallet and deep deep satisfaction all round. 20 minutes later we were hurriedly getting changed again and walking out into the cold night air so she could meet her friends and I could go and photograph the firework display.

A Victory Day ending with a bang which I won’t forget.

My 10 Favourite Push-Pull Pickup Lines

The Ted Bundy approach

These are my favourite cocky-funny lines I use to build attraction with girls during my daygame and dating. Notice how they all combine a compliment (pull) with a tease (push). That’s the secret of good flirting.

It’s vital that the delivery is light and playful. You need a twinkle in your eye and a cheeky smirk as you say them so she knows it’s just banter.


You’re so cute, it’s sickening

You smell nice, like my grandma

I like you, you’re fun, but don’t get a big head

You’re cool, despite what everyone else says

Cute kitten on the outside, wild tiger on the inside

You’re really interesting. My first impression was wrong

That’s cool, you get permission to cook me dinner

You’re very attractive. Just not my type

That’s pretty cool…for a girl

Cute but feisty, I like it


For over 200 more pickup lines to build your flirting skills then get hold of my book “How To Flirt With Girls.” 

How To Flirt With Girls Tom Torero Cover