Harem Hustle #6: Preselection & Jealousy

The most common question guys have about building a harem using daygame skills is this: doesn’t each girl get jealous? 

YES. That’s the whole idea.  Preselection (“social proof”) is the bedrock of the harem hustle and what keeps the girls sticking around. If you’ve read The Mystery Method or Cialdini’s Influence then you’ll be familiar with the concept:

Social proof: We tend to have more trust in things that are popular or endorsed by people similar to ourselves – Cialdini

Girls have a hard time judging a male’s Sexual Market Value just by looking at him (unlike when men see women). They judge instead based on meta data from other females around him. If he’s preselected by other attractive women then she figures he must have market value.

Do you get jealous when you wanted to go to see your favourite musician play live in your city but the tickets sold out and all your friends got one but not you?

Do you feel like a bar is worth checking out if you see a long line of attractive people outside queuing to get in?

Do you get competitive over something when you realise it’s desired by your colleagues?

See how it works? By any one girl knowing that you’re a man with options and other girls in your life then her attraction for you goes UP. Counterintuitive to the average Mr Nice Guy but it’s key to understanding game and harem building.

So let her feel jealousy. Understand that this supercharges her attraction towards you and keeps her in your fan club. Having girls fight over you is the pinnacle of pickup.

An important caveat is how much she knows about the other girls and how you convey it. As with everything in male-female dynamics it must be implicit, not explicit. You’re hinting at preselection through carefully placed clues and behaviours, not rubbing her nose in it with an in-depth monologue or a tacky show of abundance.

In the next harem hustle post I’ll explore these implicit harem dynamics in more detail. Before then make sure you’re up to speed on how preselection works in pickup with this podcast I recorded on the subject:

Travelling vs Static Daygame

What’s the difference between daygaming in one city where you live compared to travelling and hustling girls in multiple cities? Which one is the most efficient and why?

Over the years I’ve done both. When learning pickup intensively from late 2009 to 2013 I was living in London and doing 99% of my daygame there (with just a few short trips abroad for bootcamps).

From late 2013 onwards I’ve been a nomadic daygame delinquent living out of a bag (and later a van) on the road in over 50 countries without a permanent address.

2019 is the first year in a long while that I’m back to doing all my daygame in just one city for a whole year (although only for ten days a month, after which I’m off travelling for non-pickup adventures).

It’s been interesting to see how static daygame compares to the nomadic daygame of previous years. Is one better than the other? Below I’ve listed the pros and cons of each:

 

Static Daygame 

Pros:

  • Home turf knowledge of the city for farming, date venues etc
  • Bachelor pad logistics sorted permanently 
  • No need to rush the pulls – can do second and third dates
  • Repeat bangs for harem hustling
  • Reduces the “player vibes” and therefore LMR/ASD
  • Access to wings and non-game friends 

Cons:

  • Boredom / monotony 
  • Laziness for opening and closing (no urgency)
  • Similarity of girls (all one type)
  • Easier to give off “boyfriend” vibes
  • Over-gaming in certain parts of the city (esp. with small populations)

 

Travelling Daygame 

Pros:

  • See the world / excitement / novelty
  • Different looks of girls
  • Toughens up your skill-set (all types of girls)
  • Get good at fast pulls, SDLs etc
  • Develop a lover frame (easy to cut-and-run)

Cons:

  • Inefficient (lots of open loops)
  • Need for long game / return trips
  • Player vibe backfiring 
  • Strains of travel
  • Destabilising (lack of routine)

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I’d recommend starting with daygame in your own city. It will be easier to deal with the roller-coaster of emotions that comes with learning cold approach. Familiarity of hunting grounds and date venues will calm your nerves and the slower pace of closing will aid your bang conversions.

Once you’re competent with your daygame on home turf then spread your wings and hit the road. The sign of an experienced daygamer is that he can pick up lots of types of girls in different situations and places. Don’t just be the guy with Asian fever or the guy stuck in Ukraine. Taste the delights of French girls, South African girls, Canadian girls, Argentinian girls…

In the future I’ll do a podcast on this topic so if you’ve got questions about nomadic vs static daygame then let me know below.

The Dangers Of Daygame Romanticism

 

As the saying goes,”A little bit of knowledge is a dangerous thing.” A good reminder from an email I received yesterday about why Purple Pill romanticism will eventually come back to bite you. Switch your idealism to infield reality:

 

Hi Tom,

You must get a lot of these kinds of emails but I wanted to reach out and say thanks for all the information you put out there which I know helps a lot of guys. You might find my path to your front door of interest as it seems that many men are getting lost in the same forest.

I was always a hopeless romantic when it came to girls. I blame the poetry of Byron and Shelley. After my second marriage broke down I read “No More Mr Nice Guy” and found the pick up community through that. I dipped my toes into the waters but covered my ears when it came to harsh truths. That lead my to follow lots of watered down dating coaches (‘purple pill’ as you say in podcast 44) which allowed my romantic beliefs to remain.

The idealist in me didn’t want to confront what I knew to be true deep down. I think I enjoyed wallowing in my romantic fantasies, obsessing about one particular girl and each line of her texting. I’d build fairy tales in my head about how this or that girl was a special snowflake and be cheered on by some dating coaches who encouraged me to dream of The One.

The purple pill phase came to an end when I moved to the capital city of my country and did 6 months of day game. In that time I slept with 7 women and had my romantic blinkers fall away as I enjoyed the realities of the opposite sex. You always tell us to have abundance but that was the first time in my life I saw what you mean.

Feel free to quote this email (in part or full) to give a nudge to other guys stuck in the dangerous halfway house of purple pill pick up. In some ways it’s more dangerous than being fully in the dark. Romantic idealism is as you say a very damaging thing.

Thanks again for all your content. I hope the filming is going well.

Warm wishes,

Mr A

 

Here’s the Purple Pill podcast he mentions:

Harem History

 

Monogamy wasn’t invented by men with options

When powerful men get the chance, their non-monogamous dreams become a reality. Modern day rock bands, company CEOs and military leaders know this very well. Underneath the veneer of harmonious monogamy, men are hardwired to spread their seed far and wide.

This is nothing new in human history. Powerful male leaders throughout world empires kept private harems of women to sexually satisfy them (but often by force rather than charisma and tight Game). Often they’d have multiple wives plus numerous concubines (mistresses).

The word ‘harem‘ originates from the Islamic term referring to the secluded part of a household where women are hidden away from the eyes of other men. But the non-monogamous concept of ‘one-man-many-women‘ is not just an Islamic idea.

From the Ancient world of Persians, Egyptians, Aztecs, Greeks and through Byzantium there are many examples of polygamous harem building:

Amenophis III (Ancient Egyptian King): 6 wives with each of them responsible for 100s of concubines for him, totalling a harem in the 1000s.

King Tamba Of Benaras (Buddhist King): A harem of 16,000 concubines, the largest in history.

Khosrow II (Persian King): 3 wives and 3,000 concubines

Ghengis Khan (Mongal ruler): 4 wives and 7,000 concubines, known to have fathered 1000s of children (and millions of descendants)

Montezuma II (Aztec ruler): 4,000 concubines, numerous wives (including 2 he named Queens)

Despite Christianity frowning upon multiple wives and extramarital sex there’s still the Biblical example of King Solomon having an impressive 700 wives and 300 concubines.

For modern day harem equivalents built by celebrities, politicians and cult leaders, listen to this podcast I recorded on the topic:

 

Put aside your knee-jerk moralising for a moment and as a man answer this question honestly in your mind:

If today you were given the option of having a private harem of 100s or 1000s of younger hotter girls, would you take it?

Does monogamy still sound like an optimal plan for you now?

 

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In subsequent Harem Hustle posts I’ll look at the organisation, hierarchy and maintenance of a harem.

Harem Hustle #5: Lead Retention

Part 1, 2, 3 and 4 of the Harem Hustle series so far

 

To keep multiple plates spinning in a non-monogamous dynamic takes skill and work. Lead retention is creating loyal customers who keep cumming back for more. You’re making them feel like they’re one in a million even though they know you’re a popular brand with lots of other devoted customers.

Sleeping with a new girl once after taking her through the sales funnel is not enough for such loyalty. You’ve got to be giving her a great customer experience (i.e. amazing sex) that she’s never experienced before, on more than one occasion.

At the same time you’ve got to be adding new fresh leads into your funnel so you’re not becoming overly concerned about any one customer. This gives you leverage and the number one mindset needed for harem hustling:

 

My way or the high way. I can walk out on this deal at any moment…

 

Without such abundance giving you this unshakeable frame, you’re going to find harem building impossible. Being overly needy, overly romantic or overly emotional about any one girl is a rocky road to the monogamy trap.

The hard balance to achieve is making sure a girl knows this but at the same time she feels like like she’s somehow special. Each customer who buys a $4.5 million Lamborghini Veneo wants to feel like they’re the most important person to the company, even though they know there are a dozen other such cars and buyers in existence.

Pre-selection is the rocket fuel needed for harem hustling. Any one of the plates you’re spinning has to feel you’re a player who’s desired by other girls, even though you’re not rubbing her nose in it. Following the Lover Rules explained yesterday is a good start for this.

Never pretend that things are monogamous. This is the number one mistake guys make when trying to build a harem. They are sleeping with a handful of girls but lying to each one about being their loyal boyfriend (or even husband). So no cuddling, romantic walks, candlelit dinners or breakfast in bed.

So what is she getting out of this non-monogamous arrangement with you? First of all (and the most important) she’s getting the best sex of her life. Naughty, dirty, raw and wild. She certainly can’t get this from her vanilla boyfriend or saggy Sugar Daddy.

Next she’s getting strong male-female polarity with you. She loves your leadership and dominance. She can relax as you’re the rock to her emotional sea.

She gets off on your zero-fucks-given approach to life. Trying to tie you down is a fantasy of hers (even though she secretly doesn’t want it). You’re her wild man: adventurous, unpredictable and untamed.

And last but not least she gets a high off the jealousy (and related drama). Even though she’ll never admit this, she loves the chase, the competition and the feeling that you’re pursued by so many women. This makes her step up her game – a feeling she can’t get with any other guy.

 

 

Read Pimp by Iceberg Slim to get a detailed account of a player who was a master of lead retention and harem building. It’s one thing sleeping with a handful of girls but getting devotion and addiction with your girls is another thing.

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This year I’ll be going into detail about my own harem hustling over the next ten months using all the tools and techniques mentioned in this series of five posts. I encourage you to get out there and start building your own funnel infield using the skills of daygame cold approach.

Harem Hustle #4: Closing The Deal

Parts 1, 2 and 3 of Harem Hustle series so far

 

When she’s come out on a date with you it’s your chance to close the deal. The marketing (daygame) is over. Like with a customer who’s made an appointment at a car dealership to take a test drive, it’s time to sell.

A.B.C: Always Be Closing. The whole point of the funnel from prospecting to qualifying and converting leads comes down to this. Without the closing stage you’re just an entertainer of girls.

Dating needs to be done in lover, not boyfriend, mode. That means no false promises of monogamy, no romantic dinner dates, no long walks on the beach. By “closing the deal” we mean sex. That has to happen before you can think about taking things further, especially when it comes to building a harem.

On the date it’s all about building compliance momentum as you move from comfort to seduction. Both verbal and physical escalation have to happen smoothly, along with your logistics being sorted:

 

 

Be wary of over-selling. If the compliance is there and the customer is ready to buy then there’s no need to delay the close with more sales shtick. Same Day Lays and fast pulls on first dates are not common but definitely frequent enough to be ready for.

Equally, be careful of being too pushy. If the customer isn’t ready to buy and needs more time to think about it then you might well burn a good lead by seeming desperate to close. As the saying goes, customers don’t like to feel they’re being sold to. Remember that two dates is still the average for closing the deal.

 

 

Once the full close has happened, you can be satisfied that you’ve completed the funnel process from start to finish. You’ve cold approached, qualified a lead, worked the lead, converted the lead to a date, and finally the date to sex. Congratulations – your funnel works.

But for a harem hustler that’s not the end of things. Hopefully you’ve given her some of the best sex of her life so that she’s going to want to cum back for more. Lead retention in lover mode is a whole different skill. And not just with one girl you’ve closed the deal with, but many.

First of all you’re going to have to sleep with each girl on 3 different occasions (usually over the space of 3 weeks) following the lover rules:

 

Tomorrow I’ll go through the mechanics of the harem dynamic so you can be the lover to many girls simultaneously over a sustained period by using your sales funnel to build a stable.

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Learn the complete A-Z process of daygame, texting and dating with my textbook Street Hustle

Harem Hustle #3: Working The Leads

Read Part 1 and Part 2 of the Harem Hustle Series so far

 

If you’re going to daygame to collect leads you have to accept that just like in other cold calling sales funnels, dead-ends are more common than closing deals.

From the qualified leads gained in your street hustle prospecting, around 75% of them won’t result in a date and a chance to take things further. Consider the following realistic statistics:

Half of the contact details you collect from girls don’t even reply. Half of the ones that do reply don’t come out on a date.

That leaves you with 20-25% (around 1-in-5 to 1-in-4) of qualified leads coming out on a first date. That doesn’t mean all of those end in sex, but at least it’s a chance for the customer (her) to take a detailed look at the product (you) and to be sold to.

Just like in any other sales funnel, tracking your results is a key part of lead management. I use the iPhone app “New Digits” to keep track of the leads in my phone, along with notes I make in a weekly spreadsheet. Key things you need to know include:

  • When and where you acquired the lead
  • Her name, age and a description that will jog your memory
  • Any specific details from the interaction that will help setting up the date

 

There’s skill in working the leads of course. Desperate needy messaging vs cocky flirty messaging. As a daygamer you’re going to have to get good at pinging the girls (with standard messages, photo pings and audio pings):

 

As with other cold calling lead conversion, the classic telesales techniques are used in daygame harem building over messages:

  • Getting their attention (witty pings not Nice Guy questions)
  • Offering an incentive (quirky cocktails, shisha etc)
  • False choices (Tuesday or Thursday? Wine or beer?)
  • Use of time limits (say you’re off on holiday after the weekend)
  • Leading not asking (Meet me at 8pm by the statue)
  • Follow up weaker leads (Resurrection Texts)

 

Lots of the messages you can Copy-Paste from girl to girl but it still takes a lot of time. Let’s say you’ve gotten 30 numbers from 100 approaches. That’s 30 girls you’ll need to be messaging. Set aside a time to do this (I do it over breakfast and dinner).

The aim is to get any one girl out on a first date within a week of acquiring the lead. Any longer than that and it’s likely drop off your air traffic control radar. She’ll be snapped up by another hustler or the momentum will die. Long game (pinging for weeks or even months) is an option but it’s inherently needy, coming from a place of scarcity.

A beginner daygamer with few active leads and reference experiences will be overly focussed on one specific girl he’s trying to convert to a date. Scarcity is a dangerous thing, as again it reeks of desperation. As the old saying goes, “don’t chase them, replace them.”

There are a million reasons why any one lead might flake. You’ve got to get over chasing certain girls:

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Tomorrow I’ll talk about a critical part of the harem funnel: closing the leads through the sales skills of dating. Once the sex is out the way you can really start getting her into your rotation.

If you’d like to know more about working leads with text game then check out my A-Z daygame textbook Street Hustle.

Harem Hustle #2: Daygame Marketing

Part 1 of the Harem Hustle series is here.

 

There are millions of guys who are better looking or richer than me. They go to the gym, take their fashion seriously and work hard at earning serious money. Their “product” in the Sexual Market Place is much better than mine but they’re not getting out there and selling it. 

Meanwhile Tom Torero, the scruffy 39 year old unemployed hobo, is out on the streets hustling his product (himself). Going up and approaching around 100 girls a month to put into his sales funnel.

The daygame and dating process leads to more numbers, dates and new sexual partners than the guy who’s slaving away trying to improve his product behind closed doors. This makes harem building for the player a realistic option.

The “old” method of advertising used to be building things slowly to get brand awareness and image. That’s like the guys who are just focussing on looks / money / status. It takes years of graft and is optimal for meeting a woman through a social circle or work. One woman that is, not plural.

Daygame pickup is the equivalent of direct response marketing – a sales technique which evokes an on-the-spot response after the pitch.

Advantages of this kind of hustle for the daygamer include:

 

  • You get immediate feedback (“the girl is your mirror”). Very quickly you’ll see how the Sexual Market Place responds to both your product (you) and your pitch (your daygame). Changes can thus be made rapidly

 

  • It’s easy to track. X number of approaches leads to Y number of contacts which leads to Z number of dates & lays

 

  • A very specific audience (younger hotter girls) can be targeted

 

  • The Return On Investment (ROI) with this audience is high compared to funnel results from flirting at work, social circle game or apps like Tinder

 

As I covered yesterday, daygame is the marketing side of things while the dating is the sales side of things. When I’m out prospecting on the streets I’m covering the classic marketing points:

 

The Offer  – letting the girl know I find her attractive and that it’s a man-to-woman interaction

Information – building rapport and trust after she’s hooked

Call To Action – getting her number so we can go on a date

 

Elite harem builders

 

Just like Mormons or charity sign-up hustlers, I’m putting in volume with my prospecting. Typically 10 approaches per session, 10 sessions a month. The realistic daygame statistics off of this can be found here.

That’s not to say that it’s just a numbers game. As with any other marketplace there’s good products and bad products, effective marketing and weak marketing, slick salesmen and poor salesmen. To get good at daygame and generate qualified leads takes lots of practice. It’s an art as well as a science. 

Without marketing, it’s pointless just having a product that nobody knows about. Equally it’s vital that you know how to move a lead through the rest of the sales funnel so initial interest doesn’t evaporate. Remember that the aim is to close, not to have the shiniest marketing.

 

Tomorrow I’ll look at what do with these leads once they’re in your funnel, and how to convert them to dates, in order to start building your harem.

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To learn all the skills needed to hit the streets and master daygame prospecting yourself (along with the messaging and dating) then my A-Z textbook Street Hustle has you covered.