Heart Of Darkness

Heart Of Darkness - The Dark Side Of Daygame

“We penetrated deeper and deeper into the heart of darkness” Joseph Conrad

I’ve spoken before about the “dark side of Game” in that to really master the art of daygame, pickup and seduction you must taste that darkness, dance with that darkness, but try not to be consumed by it.

Expert players know about the awesome potential power of the “dark arts” which is an aphrodisiac for girls. A grandiose ego, manipulative magic and a cold steely edge; these three traits are what psychologists call “Dark Triad” characteristics (narcissism, Machiavellianism & psychopathy). They’re like a magnet for girls in that they represent everything attractive about the “bad boy”:

  • Power
  • Confidence
  • Charisma
  • Adventure / danger
  • Leading / escalating 

 

the Dark Side Of Daygame

Books and films know this dangerously seductive character well, often in the form of the brooding “anti-hero.” Think of Batman, Macbeth, Heathcliff, Bond, Scarface…girls want him and guys want to be him. We know why they’re attractive, but we’re afraid of delving too deeply into the darkness from where they came.

The greenhorn daygamer usually comes from the “Nice Guy” side of the spectrum. He displays the opposite of these traits – he’s sweet, caring, gentle, polite, shy, predictable and safe. Girls think of him as a brother and Friend Zone him.

The struggle for the new seducer is to open Pandora’s box and adopt elements of Dark Triad behaviours, whilst at the same time not becoming addicted to them. It’s a paradox because to get good at Game, you have to embrace the bad boy behaviours which will get you results, but then you don’t want to give them up for fear of losing the magnetism.

The many professional pickup artists I’ve met (myself included) all have amplified levels of Dark Triad traits and / or unstable backgrounds; depression, anxiety, bi-polar disorders, we’re every psychiatrist’s dream. Whilst it makes us effective at seducing girls, it also makes us difficult to spend time with.

I’ve done things I’m not proud of both with girls and in business. I’ve had wings and colleagues who’ve been similarly consumed by the dark side of Game to the point of being impossible to collaborate with. I have journeyed in the “heart of darkness” and stared into the void. Whilst it gets the girl, it can lose the friend.

Am I therefore preaching that pickup is an “impure” or “evil” thing that must be banished to save our souls? No, daygame and seduction is what it is. The attraction triggers are morally neutral, it is up to us how much we adopt them and let them consume us.

The Nice Guy has to take that journey up the river into the darkness as his initiation from boy to man. He must face the demons hiding in the dark corners of his psyche. Daygame is often the catalyst to him making deep, long-lasting changes. It’s like a modern day right-of-passage.

But the important disclaimer that should be highlighted to any new player? Monitor how the Dark Triad traits that Game amplifies are impacting on you. Listen to friends and wings when they tell you that you’re becoming unbalanced. Remember that a content, fulfilled life goes beyond daygame, dating and seduction.

Stand in the darkness, be comfortable with the darkness, but always remember that you are surrounded by light.

Embrace The Grind

I’m in Copenhagen, Denmark, explaining why Street Hustlers need to remember that in this game of cold approach pickup, there are more losses than wins. Accepting the grind and taking the “rejections” on the chin is vital. A random Same Day Lay story from today illustrates this nicely.

In Copenhagen and up for some brunch on Sunday morning? Email me: tom@tomtorero.com

Podcast #59: “The Road Is Life”

A Jack Kerouac / Casanova inspired podcast this week with guest and fellow nomadic daygamer Ian. We catch up on countries visited, notches won and the joys of running a business on the road.

Books mentioned in the podcast include:

  • 4 Hour Work Week (Tim Ferriss)
  • On The Road (Jack Kerouac)
  • Casanova (Ian Kelly)
  • Torero Travels (click here)

 

To snap up one of my Torero Tees in time for summer, check out the details here.

Torero: Around The World In 80 Lays

Guys often ask if I’ve been to this place or that for daygame, so I thought I’d compile a review of the countries I’ve visited on my Street Hustle adventures. I could have missed one or two out, but from my records I can count 53:

Europe:

  • Great Britain
  • Ireland
  • France
  • Spain
  • Portugal
  • Italy
  • Germany
  • Austria
  • Switzerland
  • Netherlands
  • Poland
  • Czech Republic
  • Slovakia
  • Slovenia
  • Hungary
  • Croatia
  • Serbia
  • Bulgaria
  • Romania
  • Greece
  • Denmark
  • Norway
  • Sweden
  • Finland
  • Latvia
  • Lithuania
  • Estonia
  • Iceland

North America:

  • USA
  • Canada

South America:

  • Brazil
  • Colombia

Former Soviet Union:

  • Russia
  • Ukraine
  • Belarus
  • Moldova
  • Georgia

Asia:

  • Kazakhstan
  • Singapore
  • Japan
  • China
  • Philippines
  • Malaysia
  • Thailand

Africa:

  • Morocco
  • Egypt
  • South Africa

Middle East:

  • Dubai
  • Turkey
  • Oman
  • Abu Dhabi

Australasia: 

  • Australia
  • New Zealand

Around The World In 80 Lays

More than 100 of my notches have happened overseas from the UK, so I feel like I’ve made Jules Verne and Phileas Fogg happy. If you’d like to read about 60 of those adventures and get advice on daygaming abroad, check out my books Torero Travels and Cold Calling.

NB: Nationalities of girls I’ve slept with but not in their countries also include: Iranian, Mexican, Peruvian, Korean, Sri Lankan, Indonesia, Indian and Macedonian. 

Black Sheep Guide For Men (Part 3)

Being a Black Sheep means facing a flood of questions from men and women who have chosen a more predictable path with their dating lives. These questions are often cloaked criticisms which stem from judgemental, PC, moral high ground, frustrated or jealous roots.

If you’re asked them by friends, family or strangers, my usual strategy is to treat them as shit tests (“frame tests”) and just reply with a cocky-funny response. Entering into a long debate and making you lose your cool is what they want, so simply smirk and move on.

Never apologise for your masculine desires or for living your life on your terms. Remember the mantra of Not Hiding Your Dick.

In this post I’ll give more constructive, factual answers to the 10 most common objections I get daily, as these are for you to consider rationally rather than as emotional triggers. It is not my aim to convince you to live the lifestyle I do, I’m simply putting these answers down for those of you who are curious as to how the Black Sheep path works in reality.

  1. You will die a lonely old man with no love in your life. What will you do after 60? 70? Who will care for you?

There are more lonely men in unhappy marriages than there are single guys with solid social circles and their freedom. The romantic Disney “love” you are referring to is idealistic and fades quickly once the lust chemicals wear off. Real love as in deep connections happen between you and family and close friends. It’s not limited to one person only. Indeed, a Black Sheep must cultivate a Rat Pack band of brothers as being alone all of the time is not healthy.

When I’m in my 50s I’ll be daygaming girls in their 30s. In my 60s I’ll be dating girls in their 40s.When I’m over 70 I’ll be playing golf, snoozing and reading all the books I’ve delayed getting through.

Getting married or keeping a girl around “for life” so you can just have a free nurse when you’re old and frail seems cruel. When I’m old I’ll pay for a live in carer (a cutie who I can flirt with) or a care home. I don’t want to have someone feel obliged to look after me because I “put up with them” for the last 40 years.

  1. You can’t form meaningful relationships because you’re a player. Casual sex is shallow and damaging. You have issues.

Each week I typically speak to around 50 new people as I’m out and about daygaming. I also work my social intelligence muscles when I’m coaching clients, out with my friends and spending time with my family. I’ve dated hundreds of girls and had hundreds of “meaningful” experiences with them.

Experienced seducers don’t cling to one girl out of neediness and force “something meaningful.” They understand that just as someone can have more than one friend, more than one hobby, more than one flavour of ice-cream, you can have more than one relationship that’s significant and mutually rewarding. All of them can have meaning.

Casual sex can be very healthy (providing fun, adventure and energy for the guy and the girl, plus giving you options and making you non-needy) but just like any pleasure, it can become a vice. Sex is just sex. Wine is just wine. It’s how much you let them control you that matters.

I’d say that a guy that puts his emotions, time and money in the hands of someone else and clings to unrealistic view of dating and mating has more issues than a guy who’s self-sufficient.

  1. You only sleep with the cheap sluts, I’m after the high quality girls that I don’t think players could keep around anyway. My wife will be sweet, caring, educated and cultured…

Wakey wakey. Remove the blinkers. Look back at Part 1 of the guide and read the sections on the The One and the Purity Fantasy. I understand the desire to cling onto a utopian Disney view of the world where things are black or white, good or bad. As men we want to find that one special girl who will complete us, who will give us the love our mother gave us. We want to believe that there are “good girls” and “bad girls” so we can escape the harsh realities of life and skip off into the sunset with our snowflake girl.

The quicker you accept that life is not binary, the better. Only you can make you happy, only you can complete yourself. Human nature is messy – that’s what makes it so fascinating. We’ve all got angels and devils on each of our shoulders. Girls can be sweet and slutty, educated and horny, cultured and filthy, mothers and lovers.

I’ve daygamed and seduced the whole spectrum of girls, from web-cam strippers and “trashy” club girls to doctors, lawyers, artists and librarians. Under the seemingly different bonnets, all girls are the same. They all respond to the same stimuli and want the same things. Have faith in biological hardwiring. Don’t be fooled by surface level differences.

  1. You can’t keep girls around, that’s why you have to go out to find new ones. You will never be happy.

An experienced seducer battles to get rid of girls. They slowly want to see you more than once a week. They leave things in your apartment. There’s a point where the open relationship isn’t enough for her and she brings up some form of commitment. A Black Sheep “wins” by not succumbing to the temptation to keep a girl around.

Being married doesn’t make you eternally happy. Sleeping with lots of girls doesn’t make you eternally happy. Give up on chasing something which doesn’t exist. Focus on goals, missions, actions and accomplishments. These will give you a warm glow of satisfaction, as will being grateful for everything you’ve got in life.

As already mentioned, have other passions and pursuits in your life other than girls, as the player lifestyle can get just as repetitive as a guy’s unhappy relationship.

  1. You need to grow up / man up / do the right thing / settle down.

Classic shaming tactics, usually coming from guys who’ve settled but still secretly long for their freedom. If you have to ask permission from someone to leave the house, or if you have to hide in a shed at the bottom of your garden to get some “personal space” then that sounds like your partner has become your parent, and you might have to do some growing up yourself.

Being an independent, self-made man who doesn’t need someone to do his laundry or cuddle him when he’s down is “manning up.” Pushing yourself, taking risks, improving, exploring, learning, travelling, experimenting – these are all far more desirable goals than “settling down.”

preacher-angry

  1. You must have loads of STDs from sleeping around. Casual sex isn’t “right.”

Educate yourself about STDs. Minimise risks with protection. Get regularly tested (I go once every couple of months). Use common sense. It’s really not that complicated and very little has happened to me after sleeping with hundreds of girls.

The horror story scare tactics used by those casting moral judgement on sex is a common religious tactic. “No sex before marriage,” they’ll say. “Sex is a sin” they’ll preach. But look behind the curtain at what really happens when you suppress something that’s natural and healthy. Clergy sleeping with altar boys, evangelists secretly jerking off and feeling shameful. Biology is far far stronger than religious or sociological beliefs. Accept it and deal with it.

  1. Won’t you miss out if you don’t have children? How can you call yourself a successful player if you don’t have kids – it’s the whole purpose of life isn’t it?

The population of our small planet is rising exponentially. I don’t feel “guilty” by not adding to it. Sure, kids bring lots of joy and fun into someone’s life, but along with marriage they’re the biggest commitment you’ll ever make. I’m amazed people take such monumental decisions so lightly.

I was a Primary School teacher for many years and I taught hundreds of kids. I’ve also got four nephews and am surrounded by friends who have kids too. I certainly don’t feel deprived of kids’ energy.

There’s no “purpose” of biology – only a process. The replication of DNA is the name of the game, and whether we shoot our load towards a fertile egg or into a condom, our bodies neither know or care. The act of sex itself is what we’re built for (along with eating and protecting ourselves). That’s not nihilistic, that’s realistic and liberating.

If you go for it, good for you. If you’ve got a thing about building a genetic legacy, that’s cool, do it. But that doesn’t mean everyone else has to do it too.

  1. Isn’t it a bit creepy that you’re an older guy and you date girls in their early twenties?

Another classic shaming tactic, even though I know and you know that men are naturally attracted to younger girls when they’re at their peak of fertility (late teens and early twenties). Just Google what are the most searched for porn terms and you’ll see what I mean.

Men who cast this kind of judgement might be surprised to learn that many girls in this age bracket not only like dating older guys in their 30s and 40s, but they look for it. Data from experienced daygamers confirms this is true, and there’s ample biological theory to explain why this is so.

If you still think it’s “wrong” then most likely you’ve been told to believe this by your church or your background, along with casual sex being “immoral.”

  1. You’re sexist / misogynistic

“Sexism” translates as believing one gender is better than the other. I’m not interested in endless online arguments and trolling about which gender is “better.” To me, girls need guys and guys need girls. We’re complimentary, like Tom & Jerry. Sure, it’s a love-hate dynamic but this male-female polarity is at the heart of life on Earth. Remember that it takes two to tango.

“Misogyny” translates as a “hatred of women.” I certainly don’t hate women, but that doesn’t mean I have to worship them either. My major pastime is spending time with and dating attractive feminine women, so much so that I’ve made it my career to teach other guys how to do the same. Girls usually giggle when I say “If that makes me a bad man, then so be it.”

Men shouldn’t feel like they have to pander to political correctness and be ashamed of their natural desires. So stay away from debating angry individuals with an axe to grind. Focus on improving yourself before trying to bully others into changing themselves.

  1. The Black Sheep lifestyle is selfish. You shouldn’t be so egotistical. Life is about doing things for others.

Selflessness (altruism) is an evolved behavioural strategy of “you scratch my back, I’ll scratch yours” with a win-win outcome. I’m all for it, but before reaching out to others first we should sort ourselves out. Don’t try to save a drowning man if you can’t swim yourself.

If “being selfish” is what it takes to improve as man in terms of your health, your wealth, your women and your underlying happiness, then so be it. If being “egotistical” means grabbing life by the horns, going for what you want and succeeding with your goals then bring it on!

By changing yourself in a positive way, others will notice and be inspired to do similarly. You don’t need to nag them or preach at them. Leading by example is the best way.

mcqueen2_2068663b

This brings me back to the start of this article, where I said that I’m not trying to convert you to my kind of lifestyle. I’m also not saying monogamy, marriage or kids are “wrong” or “bad.” It’s your life and only you should decide what path you take. I’m simply documenting my beliefs from the insights that I’ve had regarding dating and mating over the last 6 years, with hundreds of girls. Take it or leave it, I understand and I don’t mind.

I hope that this Black Sheep blog series has shed light on some of the most common issues guys bring up with me about my way of living. For my full daytime dating textbook called Street Hustle, click here to find out more. In the book I answer the 100 most common daygame, texting, dating and relationship questions, so if you’ve enjoyed this blog series then there’s lots more similar content in the book.

Black Sheep Guide For Men (Part 2)

Reading Part 1 of the Black Sheep Guide, you might well be wondering what relationship options remain for guys if monogamy / marriage aren’t reliable paths.

Today I’ll lay out my methods of handling relationships, and some of the common traps men face along the way.

western_heroes_robertredford_paulnewman_1600_900

The Bandit Bachelor 

“Being single is getting over the illusion that there is someone out there to complete you, and then taking charge of your own life” O Phatakc

As I outlined in Part 1, I’m not going to get married, have kids or be monogamous with any one girl. Saying this makes most people (including most men) deeply uncomfortable.

In monogamous relationships (where you’re only sleeping with your girlfriend, your fiancé or your wife) men get soft, mentally and physically. They’re like caged zoo animals, restless and then resigned. Loss of mojo and sex drive, codependency, overly emotional and “under the thumb,” it’s an often rapid descent into depression.

The inability to walk away because of a mortgage, kids, and a lack of other dating options leave men stranded. Neediness and jealousy rear their ugly heads. Trapped between wanting the affection of his surrogate-mother partner and the new sexual adventures that his DNA is crying out for, most men cave in and accept unhappy relationships with a diet of porn to keep the biological wolves from the door. Perhaps a strip club, or an affair on the side if he’s still got some mojo left.

Am I being bleak? No, I’m being realistic. As I said in Part 1, this is tough love from Tom Torero in order to shock some men out of their stupor. Consider the following:

  • Having a steady girlfriend costs you around $300 a month (movies, food, concerts, outings etc). That’s around $3,500 a year. 
  • An average wedding costs $26,000 
  • Around 50% of marriages end in divorce
  • The average child support is $500 a month

 

Now imagine what you could spend that money on if you avoided the monogamy path. The places you could visit. The adventures you could have. All without having to “ask permission” from your “other half.” Not to mention all the hot girls you could have sex with without having to hide it or feel ashamed about it.

“But you’ll die alone!” I hear you cry. “Casual sex is shallow and meaningless” you’ll heckle. “You’re being so selfish” the angry email will say. Hold your horses…I’ll address the most common Black Sheep objections in Part 3 of this guide tomorrow.

So where does that leave a Black Sheep with relationships? Well, here are the options:

  1. Fast casual sex with girls you don’t see again. This requires a strong pickup ability to keep feeding your hunger. It’s fun, flexible and good for rediscovering your balls.
  2. Whirlwind mini relationships of a few days. Keeping her around and having a mad passionate few days together before going separate ways. Good when travelling and sharing experiences.
  3. Fuck buddies / rotating harem. Sleeping with different girls and not promising monogamy with any of them. Keeping it about sex, not relationship-like activities. Takes more work than you think and the novelty wears off as you crave new girls.
  4. Open relationship. Having one regular girlfriend who knows that you have casual sex partners, and knowing that she does (or can have) too. Usually starts fine but then the girl begins the nesting/babies/cutting-your-balls-off rituals. 

 

I predominantly focus on options 1. and 2. When I am in a stable location for more than a month then 3. also sometimes happens.

For guys wanting kids, then option 4. is the only way to go: having a non-monogamous relationship (not a marriage) with a girl who you’d like to be the mother of your kids. I’ve no experience of this, but because it’s such a monumental life decision, I’d say proceed with extreme caution and deliberation.

The bottom line is that men not only need new sexual experiences to keep us vitalised, but that a source of female affection is key too. The masculine thrives in the company of the feminine, and visa versa. Just spending time alone or with other guys leaves a man feeling unfulfilled. That doesn’t mean you need a girlfriend or a wife, but you do need to enjoy the company of females.

A Black Sheep is a realist. He knows that there’s nobody out there to “complete him” but that doesn’t make him a hermit and run for the hills. He knows that girls are not fragile angels, but he also realises girls aren’t devils to be destroyed.

You can have your cake and eat it. Be a bachelor but have a fulfilled life full of colour and warmth. Whoever told you that life was binary or black and white was wrong. You don’t need to be penned in like the other sheep to this box or that.

But to have this freedom you need to stay “sexually relevant.” You can’t get fat (if you are overweight then eat less and move more), you have to take care of your grooming and appearance. You need to be ok with often being by yourself. You need goals and a mission beyond hot girls to keep you motivated and driven. You’ll also need a “band of brothers” – solid male friends that you can do things with when the novelty of all that solo free time wears off.

jd

The Black Sheep Mantra:

If I was summarising my philosophy for pickup, dating and my lifestyle, it would be with these four words:

Don’t Hide Your Dick (DHYD).

Rediscover your balls and don’t be ashamed about your natural desires. Realise that you have claws because you’re a wild tiger, not a domesticated cat. You need to take action and go for what you want, grabbing life by the horns. Dominate, don’t compete. Play offence, not defence. Stop whining about your roles as a man and instead get on with them:

  • You have to approach the hot girl and tell her you find her attractive
  • You have to avoid the Friend Zone by reminding her of your intent
  • You have to get her number and arrange a date
  • You have to lead the conversation away from boring chit-chat
  • You have to go for the kiss
  • You have to lead her back to your place and get down and dirty
  • You have to draw a line in the sand if she’s playing games
  • You have to move on from dead leads and pursue new ones
  • You have to avoid neediness by having options

 

In pickup we call this “holding the frame.” The moment you let her hold the frame then things are rapidly fucked. And remember she doesn’t want to hold the frame, she’s just testing your masculinity to see if you’re going to take it back.

So being a Black Sheep is win-win. Girls get the renegade “alpha” they crave and you get the hot girl without having to hide your dick and feel emasculated. You’re in a relationship with her (sexual or more) from a place of strength, not weakness.

To find out more about how to hold the frame with the girl(s) in your life, check out my extensive daytime dating textbook called “Street Hustle.” You’ll find practical techniques for street pickup, texting, dates and seducing plus lots more on Black Sheep relationships and lifestyle.

Read part 3 of the Black Sheep posts here.

Black Sheep Guide For Men (Part 1)

Time for some tough love from Tom Torero. I spend a lot of my time replying to emails from guys who ask the same questions about girls and dating, so I thought I’d lay out my advice in a series of posts which I can point them too.

This guide is not a step-by-step daygame toolkit. It’s about the wider issues that men have with dating and relationships. For the nuts and bolts of learning how to pickup girls during the day, go here.

Ok. Enough preamble. Let’s jump in….

Guys have lost their way when it comes to girls. We’ve become emasculated, soft, and feminised. We’re embarrassed about our natural desires and afraid to tell girls what we really want.

Sure, we can blame the PC culture, the rise of feminism, our upbringing, the government or whoever. But really we have to look in the mirror and blame ourselves. It is our choice whether or not we hide our balls. We put ourselves in the Friend Zone. We pussy out of going for what we want. We give into others so we don’t rock the boat.

I’m the “Black Sheep” for pointing this out and for deciding to do the opposite. I can say this stuff because I’m my own boss and can’t get fired. I’m not going to get married, I’m not going to have kids. I don’t have a mortgage or live in one place. I don’t work a 9-5 job.

I, Tom Torero, admit that  I like casual sex with hot girls. There, I said it, shock-horror. I don’t believe in monogamy and I enjoy seducing and sleeping with multiple girls.

For admitting this, you’ll be called all sorts of names – sexist, misogynistic, selfish – but it’s a small price to pay for saying what every other guy is feeling and reaping the rewards with girls.

To get more pussy you have to stop being a pussy. You have to stop hiding your balls and go after what you want.

Guys need this straight talk. Unedited. Unfiltered. It can’t be watered down or vanilla. It might make people feel uncomfortable, but that’s good. Get used to feeling uncomfortable.

This is not about “self development” or balancing your chakras. You are not reading this to just “become social.” You want more pussy. You want to sleep with younger, hotter girls. I know you do, and you know you do. Girls also know you do. So stop hiding it or air-brushing it with Self Help goals.

It’s a normal, healthy male desire. Spreading your DNA about the planet is your biological mission. Trying to suppress it and apologise for it isn’t normal or healthy.

You look at girls’ boobs all day. You jerk off, watch porn, think about nailing your hot co-worker on the desk. It’s like a monkey on your back – you’re seeing sex everywhere, and frustrated you’re not getting enough of it.

So we’ve got to do something about it. Hiding it is making you depressed, frustrated, angry. You are having to lie your ass off.

You’ve been lazy with taking action. You think about this stuff all the time, but don’t act on it. You might swipe Tinder, or make some drunk comments to a girl at the bar, but you don’t have a plan of action. You might watch pickup videos online, but you’re not going out and trying it.

You don’t need more motivation, you need to form habits which lead to action. You have to go out there and talk to girls. In real life. Yep, not online or in virtual reality. Either in bars and clubs (“night game”) or during the day like I do (“daygame”). Yep, it feels awkward and uncomfortable at first. Suck it up.

So what’s been stopping you going for it? Even if you know all the pickup techniques, there are some deeply held beliefs you cling to which are not doing you any favours. I’ve listed the top ten most common below:

  1. The One 

unicorn

Somewhere out there is the “one for you.” Your “other half” or “soul mate.” You’ve just got to find her and all will be well.

She’s your mythical, magical unicorn you’ve been looking for since you were a kid, as advised by fairy stories, romantic movies and books, plus dating tips from girls.

Ok, are you ready for the truth?

There’s not someone out there to make you complete. You have to complete yourself. Don’t outsource your happiness.

There are lots of girls who are attracted to you, who you could have a lot of chemistry and fun with. There are lots of “ones.” Think about this. With more than 7 billion people on the planet, at least 3.5 billion females, if only 0.1% of them are sexually compatible with you that’s still 3,500,000 girls who are up for sleeping with you right now.

The sooner you give up on your idealistic quest to find your soul mate, the quicker you’re free to feast on the all-you-can-eat buffet of dating and mating.

  1. Purity Fantasy

    madonna-il-sassoferrato

“She’s not like all the other girls. She’s different. She’s special. She’s certainly not one of those “cheap club sluts.” She’s classy, she’s cultured…”, blah, blah, blah.

We spend our lives dreaming about the “special snowflake” girl. We want to have sex with the slut and marry the girl next door. It’s the “Madonna-Whore” complex of binary thinking, and it’s wrong.

Life is not black or white. We’re all sweet and slutty. Reality is grey. People are a mix of both. All girls play the two roles, some just on one side more than the other. Read “My Secret Garden” by Nancy Friday or consider the success of “Fifty Shades Of Grey” to understand the true nature of female sexuality.

Girls masturbate. Many watch porn. Girls fantasise. Girls dream of adventures with bad boys. Shock-horror. Even that “sweet girl in the library” or the “classy lawyer who likes art galleries.”

In fact, the more “sensible” the girl on the outside, the more suppressed desires on the inside. Bored housewives, religious virgins, shy girls…they’re like pressure cookers.

  1. Monogamy Myth

mon

Drum roll please….

Humans are not monogamous. Accepting this one fact will remove much of the guilt and frustration you’re feeling. It will also explain the seemingly puzzling sex lives of men and women.

This upsets a lot of people, even when we know in the pit of our stomach it’s true.

Only 3-5% of mammals are monogamous, and even then not always sexually. Humans are monoga-mish in that we pair bond to have babies and stay together for the first few years of a child’s life to raise them, but after that the process begins again.

Men are hardwired to spread their DNA in as many hot females as possible.

Women are hardwired to have babies with the DNA of alpha men, whilst also finding a guy to stick around to provide for her and the children.

Men and women cheat all the time (or at least think about cheating) but we just sweep it under the carpet. It’s a taboo subject to speak about, so people have to hide it. We lie, we feel shameful, we wonder why we’re bored of sex with one partner.

More than half of the hundreds of girls I’ve slept with have had boyfriends, fiancés or husbands. Does that make me angry with women or judgemental? No, because I understand and accept human biology.

  1. Oneitis

Man-begging-Woman

We cling to that one girl we find out of desperation. We don’t have other options. We’re living in scarcity like a man in a drought.

Oneitis is triggered by this lack of options and the belief in The One. All those love songs, poems, flowers, pleading… that’s oneitis in action.

Girls can smell this neediness a mile off. It’s the number one attraction killer and makes them feel nauseous.

So the Catch-22 for men is that when they start enjoying the affection of a relationship (cuddles, long walks, movies), their girl starts feeling turned off. What happened to the non-needy guy I originally fell for, she thinks.

You have to have the ability to walk. To next her. You must have other irons in the fire. The minute she knows you’ve cut your balls off for her, it’s over.

  1. Nice Guy

friend zone

Nice guys finish last. “Oh, you’re so sweet….you’re like a brother” they’ll hear from girls they’re befriending.

Girls don’t want nice. Nice isn’t sexy. They want strong. They want dominant. They want a man who doesn’t hide what he wants.

“Nice” makes girls feel uncomfortable. It’s not honest. It’s weak and sends mixed signals.

So why does she sleep with the “bad boy”? Because he’s exciting, he goes for what he wants, he’s unapologetic, he leads, he’s in touch with his masculine desires.

Nice guys are hiding what they want. Suppressing their feelings. Going over to fix her computer, help her with her homework or teach her English but not telling her how they really feel.

Girls know this. They keep Nice Guys around like poodles to make their life easier. You can’t blame them for it – it’s the guys volunteering, after all.

Nice Guys put themselves in the Friend Zone. Yet they get angry at girls for not sleeping with them.

  1. White Knight

white knight

A White Knight is one level beneath the Nice Guy. Not only is he Friend Zoning himself, but he’s doing it consciously as a strategy to try to sleep with her.

By “rescuing her from the bad guys” on his noble horse, he’s expecting her to “reward” him with a romantic relationship or sexual favours.

White Knights, like Nice Guys, believe that women are fragile flowers that need protecting. They put girls on pedestals, tiptoeing around them like glass vases. This naturally gives them a submissive vibe which makes girls feel creeped out.

“Casual sex is pathetic and shallow” the White Knight will preach from his moral high horse, whilst secretly jerking off to porn and scheming about winning over his dream girl.

  1. Provider

sugar daddy

Providers believe they can buy sexual attraction from girls. Dinners, gifts, holidays…they’re fooling themselves that she’s interested in them, not their wallet.

True, providers do sleep with girls. But those girls are using them as an ATM whilst having no-strings sex with the “bad boys” who don’t buy anything.

This is the difference between “lover” and “provider.” Between “alpha fucks” and “beta bucks.” One gets hot, passionate sex for free. The other has to pay for it.

Providers like to show girls how much money they have: the watch, the car, the penthouse. They’re unaware that they’re signalling to the girl that they’re the opposite of lover. They are putting themselves in the provider box, but still surprised that they’re attracting “gold-digger” type girls.

Paying for strippers and hookers is the extreme example of girls taking money for sexual encounters, followed by men that meet women on SugarDaddy sites. As much as guys try to convince themselves that the girls are attracted to them not their money, they know instinctively that it’s not true.

  1. Men and Women Are The Same

androg

Ok, so this is the one where you’ll really rock the boat.

Gender is not a social construct. Men and women are not the same. Women don’t really like to be “equal” in relationships. What turns heterosexual females on in a relationship is a dominant, powerful man.

There, I said it. Gasp. Cue the angry emails and “sexist pig” comments.

Men aren’t attracted to masculine women. It’s not about being “threatened” by them, it’s about being sexually turned off by them.

Men and women have different wants and needs when it comes to dating and mating. 

 Masculine and feminine polarity is natural and healthy. It comes as a surprise to many people that women want men to be men, and men want women to be women, as that’s what they’re attracted to.

This is the result of millions of years of evolution. A few decades of Social Studies courses can’t change that fact. It’s written in our DNA.

The more powerful the woman in her day-to-day life (e.g. doctors, lawyers, bankers), the more she craves a guy to take the reigns with dating and seduction.

This is a particularly taboo subject but men and women instinctively understand the reality of who and what they’re attracted to.

  1. “Settling Down”

whipped

Married men or guys in long-term relationships will shame you into “doing the right thing” and “settling down.” 

“Grow up!” you’ll hear girls cry, whilst at the same time seeing how attracted they are to you as a free spirit.

No, you don’t need to “settle.” Be a Black Sheep and go for what you want. Life is short and you only get one shot at it.

“Settling” implies monotony. Giving up. Retiring. Losing your freedom. Do any of those things sound sexy to you?

To win at life as a man is to be free. Freedom of time and money to do what you want, when you want, where you want. Nice Guys will shout “that’s selfish” whilst at the same time longing for their former bachelor years.

Girls are attracted to men who have a mission beyond them, who take risks, who go after what they want. They want wild lions, not domesticated pussy cats.

     10. The world is going to the dogs

freedom

Every generation thinks things are getting worse, and long for the “good old days.” 

Put your trust in hard-wired biology. Don’t panic about social trends, political climates and technological changes. Men and women are still attracted to the same triggers that were in place millions of years ago. This won’t change for millions more years.

You’re blaming your lack of success with girls and your lack of action on external things. The truth is that there’s never been an easier time to be a Black Sheep. Non-monogamous sexual experiences are everywhere, and more and more men are talking about these non-PC truths and how to act on them.

Be the sheep dog, not the sheep. Wake up to the vast possibilities around you. Take back control of your emotions and decision making. These truths might initially hurt, but they’ll set you free.

Read Part 2 of the Black Sheep series here.