Non-Monogamous Relationships

In this week’s podcast I’m joined by Caleb from www.blackdragonblog.com to talk about all things non-monogamous. Caleb’s been successfully maintaining a bunch of open relationships beyond One Night Stands for the last decade, as well as travelling the world and building a passive income. Pour yourself a whiskey and settle in for an enlightening half hour of Black Dragon gold.

Cold Calling (FSU Daygame Book)

Former Soviet Union Daygame Book

“It is a riddle, wrapped in a mystery, inside an enigma” Churchill

I’m halfway through my new book (paperback & Kindle) entitled “Cold Calling.” It’s a guide to daygaming in the Former Soviet Union, with 30 new lay reports plus practical advice and logistical information. My aim is to finish it by the end of the summer.

In the last five years I’ve lived and daygamed in almost all of the Former USSR countries: Russia, Ukraine, Belarus, Latvia, Lithuania and Estonia. Next month I’ll complete the list by visiting Moldova.

I’ve also daygamed in all of the former Iron Curtain countries: Bulgaria, Romania, Hungary, Czech Republic, Slovakia, Poland and East Germany.

The new book will contain city maps for daygame areas, accommodation advice, safety briefings, costings etc, as well as profiles for the types of girls from each country.

I’m keen to get your input on what else you’d like in the book. What questions would you like answered about these countries and these girls? Leave your thoughts below, but please don’t ask about online dating, tinder or SugarDaddy game, which I’ve no experience of and which I’d heavily advice against in the FSU.

It’s quite ironic that I spend so much time in these countries when my father escaped from them in the late 1960s to find freedom in the West. He’d certainly agree with me though that Slavic girls are the hottest on the planet, despite being some of the hardest to pull.

Heart Of Darkness

Heart Of Darkness - The Dark Side Of Daygame

“We penetrated deeper and deeper into the heart of darkness” Joseph Conrad

I’ve spoken before about the “dark side of Game” in that to really master the art of daygame, pickup and seduction you must taste that darkness, dance with that darkness, but try not to be consumed by it.

Expert players know about the awesome potential power of the “dark arts” which is an aphrodisiac for girls. A grandiose ego, manipulative magic and a cold steely edge; these three traits are what psychologists call “Dark Triad” characteristics (narcissism, Machiavellianism & psychopathy). They’re like a magnet for girls in that they represent everything attractive about the “bad boy”:

  • Power
  • Confidence
  • Charisma
  • Adventure / danger
  • Leading / escalating 

 

the Dark Side Of Daygame

Books and films know this dangerously seductive character well, often in the form of the brooding “anti-hero.” Think of Batman, Macbeth, Heathcliff, Bond, Scarface…girls want him and guys want to be him. We know why they’re attractive, but we’re afraid of delving too deeply into the darkness from where they came.

The greenhorn daygamer usually comes from the “Nice Guy” side of the spectrum. He displays the opposite of these traits – he’s sweet, caring, gentle, polite, shy, predictable and safe. Girls think of him as a brother and Friend Zone him.

The struggle for the new seducer is to open Pandora’s box and adopt elements of Dark Triad behaviours, whilst at the same time not becoming addicted to them. It’s a paradox because to get good at Game, you have to embrace the bad boy behaviours which will get you results, but then you don’t want to give them up for fear of losing the magnetism.

The many professional pickup artists I’ve met (myself included) all have amplified levels of Dark Triad traits and / or unstable backgrounds; depression, anxiety, bi-polar disorders, we’re every psychiatrist’s dream. Whilst it makes us effective at seducing girls, it also makes us difficult to spend time with.

I’ve done things I’m not proud of both with girls and in business. I’ve had wings and colleagues who’ve been similarly consumed by the dark side of Game to the point of being impossible to collaborate with. I have journeyed in the “heart of darkness” and stared into the void. Whilst it gets the girl, it can lose the friend.

Am I therefore preaching that pickup is an “impure” or “evil” thing that must be banished to save our souls? No, daygame and seduction is what it is. The attraction triggers are morally neutral, it is up to us how much we adopt them and let them consume us.

The Nice Guy has to take that journey up the river into the darkness as his initiation from boy to man. He must face the demons hiding in the dark corners of his psyche. Daygame is often the catalyst to him making deep, long-lasting changes. It’s like a modern day right-of-passage.

But the important disclaimer that should be highlighted to any new player? Monitor how the Dark Triad traits that Game amplifies are impacting on you. Listen to friends and wings when they tell you that you’re becoming unbalanced. Remember that a content, fulfilled life goes beyond daygame, dating and seduction.

Stand in the darkness, be comfortable with the darkness, but always remember that you are surrounded by light.

Embrace The Grind

I’m in Copenhagen, Denmark, explaining why Street Hustlers need to remember that in this game of cold approach pickup, there are more losses than wins. Accepting the grind and taking the “rejections” on the chin is vital. A random Same Day Lay story from today illustrates this nicely.

In Copenhagen and up for some brunch on Sunday morning? Email me: tom@tomtorero.com

Podcast #59: “The Road Is Life”

A Jack Kerouac / Casanova inspired podcast this week with guest and fellow nomadic daygamer Ian. We catch up on countries visited, notches won and the joys of running a business on the road.

Books mentioned in the podcast include:

  • 4 Hour Work Week (Tim Ferriss)
  • On The Road (Jack Kerouac)
  • Casanova (Ian Kelly)
  • Torero Travels (click here)

 

To snap up one of my Torero Tees in time for summer, check out the details here.

Torero: Around The World In 80 Lays

Guys often ask if I’ve been to this place or that for daygame, so I thought I’d compile a review of the countries I’ve visited on my Street Hustle adventures. I could have missed one or two out, but from my records I can count 53:

Europe:

  • Great Britain
  • Ireland
  • France
  • Spain
  • Portugal
  • Italy
  • Germany
  • Austria
  • Switzerland
  • Netherlands
  • Poland
  • Czech Republic
  • Slovakia
  • Slovenia
  • Hungary
  • Croatia
  • Serbia
  • Bulgaria
  • Romania
  • Greece
  • Denmark
  • Norway
  • Sweden
  • Finland
  • Latvia
  • Lithuania
  • Estonia
  • Iceland

North America:

  • USA
  • Canada

South America:

  • Brazil
  • Colombia

Former Soviet Union:

  • Russia
  • Ukraine
  • Belarus
  • Moldova
  • Georgia

Asia:

  • Kazakhstan
  • Singapore
  • Japan
  • China
  • Philippines
  • Malaysia
  • Thailand

Africa:

  • Morocco
  • Egypt
  • South Africa

Middle East:

  • Dubai
  • Turkey
  • Oman
  • Abu Dhabi

Australasia: 

  • Australia
  • New Zealand

Around The World In 80 Lays

More than 100 of my notches have happened overseas from the UK, so I feel like I’ve made Jules Verne and Phileas Fogg happy. If you’d like to read about 60 of those adventures and get advice on daygaming abroad, check out my books Torero Travels and Cold Calling.

NB: Nationalities of girls I’ve slept with but not in their countries also include: Iranian, Mexican, Peruvian, Korean, Sri Lankan, Indonesia, Indian and Macedonian.