Black Sheep Guide For Men (Part 2)

Reading Part 1 of the Black Sheep Guide, you might well be wondering what relationship options remain for guys if monogamy / marriage aren’t reliable paths.

Today I’ll lay out my methods of handling relationships, and some of the common traps men face along the way.

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The Bandit Bachelor 

“Being single is getting over the illusion that there is someone out there to complete you, and then taking charge of your own life” O Phatakc

As I outlined in Part 1, I’m not going to get married, have kids or be monogamous with any one girl. Saying this makes most people (including most men) deeply uncomfortable.

In monogamous relationships (where you’re only sleeping with your girlfriend, your fiancé or your wife) men get soft, mentally and physically. They’re like caged zoo animals, restless and then resigned. Loss of mojo and sex drive, codependency, overly emotional and “under the thumb,” it’s an often rapid descent into depression.

The inability to walk away because of a mortgage, kids, and a lack of other dating options leave men stranded. Neediness and jealousy rear their ugly heads. Trapped between wanting the affection of his surrogate-mother partner and the new sexual adventures that his DNA is crying out for, most men cave in and accept unhappy relationships with a diet of porn to keep the biological wolves from the door. Perhaps a strip club, or an affair on the side if he’s still got some mojo left.

Am I being bleak? No, I’m being realistic. As I said in Part 1, this is tough love from Tom Torero in order to shock some men out of their stupor. Consider the following:

  • Having a steady girlfriend costs you around $300 a month (movies, food, concerts, outings etc). That’s around $3,500 a year. 
  • An average wedding costs $26,000 
  • Around 50% of marriages end in divorce
  • The average child support is $500 a month

 

Now imagine what you could spend that money on if you avoided the monogamy path. The places you could visit. The adventures you could have. All without having to “ask permission” from your “other half.” Not to mention all the hot girls you could have sex with without having to hide it or feel ashamed about it.

“But you’ll die alone!” I hear you cry. “Casual sex is shallow and meaningless” you’ll heckle. “You’re being so selfish” the angry email will say. Hold your horses…I’ll address the most common Black Sheep objections in Part 3 of this guide tomorrow.

So where does that leave a Black Sheep with relationships? Well, here are the options:

  1. Fast casual sex with girls you don’t see again. This requires a strong pickup ability to keep feeding your hunger. It’s fun, flexible and good for rediscovering your balls.
  2. Whirlwind mini relationships of a few days. Keeping her around and having a mad passionate few days together before going separate ways. Good when travelling and sharing experiences.
  3. Fuck buddies / rotating harem. Sleeping with different girls and not promising monogamy with any of them. Keeping it about sex, not relationship-like activities. Takes more work than you think and the novelty wears off as you crave new girls.
  4. Open relationship. Having one regular girlfriend who knows that you have casual sex partners, and knowing that she does (or can have) too. Usually starts fine but then the girl begins the nesting/babies/cutting-your-balls-off rituals. 

 

I predominantly focus on options 1. and 2. When I am in a stable location for more than a month then 3. also sometimes happens.

For guys wanting kids, then option 4. is the only way to go: having a non-monogamous relationship (not a marriage) with a girl who you’d like to be the mother of your kids. I’ve no experience of this, but because it’s such a monumental life decision, I’d say proceed with extreme caution and deliberation.

The bottom line is that men not only need new sexual experiences to keep us vitalised, but that a source of female affection is key too. The masculine thrives in the company of the feminine, and visa versa. Just spending time alone or with other guys leaves a man feeling unfulfilled. That doesn’t mean you need a girlfriend or a wife, but you do need to enjoy the company of females.

A Black Sheep is a realist. He knows that there’s nobody out there to “complete him” but that doesn’t make him a hermit and run for the hills. He knows that girls are not fragile angels, but he also realises girls aren’t devils to be destroyed.

You can have your cake and eat it. Be a bachelor but have a fulfilled life full of colour and warmth. Whoever told you that life was binary or black and white was wrong. You don’t need to be penned in like the other sheep to this box or that.

But to have this freedom you need to stay “sexually relevant.” You can’t get fat (if you are overweight then eat less and move more), you have to take care of your grooming and appearance. You need to be ok with often being by yourself. You need goals and a mission beyond hot girls to keep you motivated and driven. You’ll also need a “band of brothers” – solid male friends that you can do things with when the novelty of all that solo free time wears off.

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The Black Sheep Mantra:

If I was summarising my philosophy for pickup, dating and my lifestyle, it would be with these four words:

Don’t Hide Your Dick (DHYD).

Rediscover your balls and don’t be ashamed about your natural desires. Realise that you have claws because you’re a wild tiger, not a domesticated cat. You need to take action and go for what you want, grabbing life by the horns. Dominate, don’t compete. Play offence, not defence. Stop whining about your roles as a man and instead get on with them:

  • You have to approach the hot girl and tell her you find her attractive
  • You have to avoid the Friend Zone by reminding her of your intent
  • You have to get her number and arrange a date
  • You have to lead the conversation away from boring chit-chat
  • You have to go for the kiss
  • You have to lead her back to your place and get down and dirty
  • You have to draw a line in the sand if she’s playing games
  • You have to move on from dead leads and pursue new ones
  • You have to avoid neediness by having options

 

In pickup we call this “holding the frame.” The moment you let her hold the frame then things are rapidly fucked. And remember she doesn’t want to hold the frame, she’s just testing your masculinity to see if you’re going to take it back.

So being a Black Sheep is win-win. Girls get the renegade “alpha” they crave and you get the hot girl without having to hide your dick and feel emasculated. You’re in a relationship with her (sexual or more) from a place of strength, not weakness.

To find out more about how to hold the frame with the girl(s) in your life, check out my extensive daytime dating textbook called “Street Hustle.” You’ll find practical techniques for street pickup, texting, dates and seducing plus lots more on Black Sheep relationships and lifestyle.

Read part 3 of the Black Sheep posts here.

Black Sheep Guide For Men (Part 1)

Time for some tough love from Tom Torero. I spend a lot of my time replying to emails from guys who ask the same questions about girls and dating, so I thought I’d lay out my advice in a series of posts which I can point them too.

This guide is not a step-by-step daygame toolkit. It’s about the wider issues that men have with dating and relationships. For the nuts and bolts of learning how to pickup girls during the day, go here.

Ok. Enough preamble. Let’s jump in….

Guys have lost their way when it comes to girls. We’ve become emasculated, soft, and feminised. We’re embarrassed about our natural desires and afraid to tell girls what we really want.

Sure, we can blame the PC culture, the rise of feminism, our upbringing, the government or whoever. But really we have to look in the mirror and blame ourselves. It is our choice whether or not we hide our balls. We put ourselves in the Friend Zone. We pussy out of going for what we want. We give into others so we don’t rock the boat.

I’m the “Black Sheep” for pointing this out and for deciding to do the opposite. I can say this stuff because I’m my own boss and can’t get fired. I’m not going to get married, I’m not going to have kids. I don’t have a mortgage or live in one place. I don’t work a 9-5 job.

I, Tom Torero, admit that  I like casual sex with hot girls. There, I said it, shock-horror. I don’t believe in monogamy and I enjoy seducing and sleeping with multiple girls.

For admitting this, you’ll be called all sorts of names – sexist, misogynistic, selfish – but it’s a small price to pay for saying what every other guy is feeling and reaping the rewards with girls.

To get more pussy you have to stop being a pussy. You have to stop hiding your balls and go after what you want.

Guys need this straight talk. Unedited. Unfiltered. It can’t be watered down or vanilla. It might make people feel uncomfortable, but that’s good. Get used to feeling uncomfortable.

This is not about “self development” or balancing your chakras. You are not reading this to just “become social.” You want more pussy. You want to sleep with younger, hotter girls. I know you do, and you know you do. Girls also know you do. So stop hiding it or air-brushing it with Self Help goals.

It’s a normal, healthy male desire. Spreading your DNA about the planet is your biological mission. Trying to suppress it and apologise for it isn’t normal or healthy.

You look at girls’ boobs all day. You jerk off, watch porn, think about nailing your hot co-worker on the desk. It’s like a monkey on your back – you’re seeing sex everywhere, and frustrated you’re not getting enough of it.

So we’ve got to do something about it. Hiding it is making you depressed, frustrated, angry. You are having to lie your ass off.

You’ve been lazy with taking action. You think about this stuff all the time, but don’t act on it. You might swipe Tinder, or make some drunk comments to a girl at the bar, but you don’t have a plan of action. You might watch pickup videos online, but you’re not going out and trying it.

You don’t need more motivation, you need to form habits which lead to action. You have to go out there and talk to girls. In real life. Yep, not online or in virtual reality. Either in bars and clubs (“night game”) or during the day like I do (“daygame”). Yep, it feels awkward and uncomfortable at first. Suck it up.

So what’s been stopping you going for it? Even if you know all the pickup techniques, there are some deeply held beliefs you cling to which are not doing you any favours. I’ve listed the top ten most common below:

  1. The One 

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Somewhere out there is the “one for you.” Your “other half” or “soul mate.” You’ve just got to find her and all will be well.

She’s your mythical, magical unicorn you’ve been looking for since you were a kid, as advised by fairy stories, romantic movies and books, plus dating tips from girls.

Ok, are you ready for the truth?

There’s not someone out there to make you complete. You have to complete yourself. Don’t outsource your happiness.

There are lots of girls who are attracted to you, who you could have a lot of chemistry and fun with. There are lots of “ones.” Think about this. With more than 7 billion people on the planet, at least 3.5 billion females, if only 0.1% of them are sexually compatible with you that’s still 3,500,000 girls who are up for sleeping with you right now.

The sooner you give up on your idealistic quest to find your soul mate, the quicker you’re free to feast on the all-you-can-eat buffet of dating and mating.

  1. Purity Fantasy

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“She’s not like all the other girls. She’s different. She’s special. She’s certainly not one of those “cheap club sluts.” She’s classy, she’s cultured…”, blah, blah, blah.

We spend our lives dreaming about the “special snowflake” girl. We want to have sex with the slut and marry the girl next door. It’s the “Madonna-Whore” complex of binary thinking, and it’s wrong.

Life is not black or white. We’re all sweet and slutty. Reality is grey. People are a mix of both. All girls play the two roles, some just on one side more than the other. Read “My Secret Garden” by Nancy Friday or consider the success of “Fifty Shades Of Grey” to understand the true nature of female sexuality.

Girls masturbate. Many watch porn. Girls fantasise. Girls dream of adventures with bad boys. Shock-horror. Even that “sweet girl in the library” or the “classy lawyer who likes art galleries.”

In fact, the more “sensible” the girl on the outside, the more suppressed desires on the inside. Bored housewives, religious virgins, shy girls…they’re like pressure cookers.

  1. Monogamy Myth

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Drum roll please….

Humans are not monogamous. Accepting this one fact will remove much of the guilt and frustration you’re feeling. It will also explain the seemingly puzzling sex lives of men and women.

This upsets a lot of people, even when we know in the pit of our stomach it’s true.

Only 3-5% of mammals are monogamous, and even then not always sexually. Humans are monoga-mish in that we pair bond to have babies and stay together for the first few years of a child’s life to raise them, but after that the process begins again.

Men are hardwired to spread their DNA in as many hot females as possible.

Women are hardwired to have babies with the DNA of alpha men, whilst also finding a guy to stick around to provide for her and the children.

Men and women cheat all the time (or at least think about cheating) but we just sweep it under the carpet. It’s a taboo subject to speak about, so people have to hide it. We lie, we feel shameful, we wonder why we’re bored of sex with one partner.

More than half of the hundreds of girls I’ve slept with have had boyfriends, fiancés or husbands. Does that make me angry with women or judgemental? No, because I understand and accept human biology.

  1. Oneitis

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We cling to that one girl we find out of desperation. We don’t have other options. We’re living in scarcity like a man in a drought.

Oneitis is triggered by this lack of options and the belief in The One. All those love songs, poems, flowers, pleading… that’s oneitis in action.

Girls can smell this neediness a mile off. It’s the number one attraction killer and makes them feel nauseous.

So the Catch-22 for men is that when they start enjoying the affection of a relationship (cuddles, long walks, movies), their girl starts feeling turned off. What happened to the non-needy guy I originally fell for, she thinks.

You have to have the ability to walk. To next her. You must have other irons in the fire. The minute she knows you’ve cut your balls off for her, it’s over.

  1. Nice Guy

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Nice guys finish last. “Oh, you’re so sweet….you’re like a brother” they’ll hear from girls they’re befriending.

Girls don’t want nice. Nice isn’t sexy. They want strong. They want dominant. They want a man who doesn’t hide what he wants.

“Nice” makes girls feel uncomfortable. It’s not honest. It’s weak and sends mixed signals.

So why does she sleep with the “bad boy”? Because he’s exciting, he goes for what he wants, he’s unapologetic, he leads, he’s in touch with his masculine desires.

Nice guys are hiding what they want. Suppressing their feelings. Going over to fix her computer, help her with her homework or teach her English but not telling her how they really feel.

Girls know this. They keep Nice Guys around like poodles to make their life easier. You can’t blame them for it – it’s the guys volunteering, after all.

Nice Guys put themselves in the Friend Zone. Yet they get angry at girls for not sleeping with them.

  1. White Knight

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A White Knight is one level beneath the Nice Guy. Not only is he Friend Zoning himself, but he’s doing it consciously as a strategy to try to sleep with her.

By “rescuing her from the bad guys” on his noble horse, he’s expecting her to “reward” him with a romantic relationship or sexual favours.

White Knights, like Nice Guys, believe that women are fragile flowers that need protecting. They put girls on pedestals, tiptoeing around them like glass vases. This naturally gives them a submissive vibe which makes girls feel creeped out.

“Casual sex is pathetic and shallow” the White Knight will preach from his moral high horse, whilst secretly jerking off to porn and scheming about winning over his dream girl.

  1. Provider

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Providers believe they can buy sexual attraction from girls. Dinners, gifts, holidays…they’re fooling themselves that she’s interested in them, not their wallet.

True, providers do sleep with girls. But those girls are using them as an ATM whilst having no-strings sex with the “bad boys” who don’t buy anything.

This is the difference between “lover” and “provider.” Between “alpha fucks” and “beta bucks.” One gets hot, passionate sex for free. The other has to pay for it.

Providers like to show girls how much money they have: the watch, the car, the penthouse. They’re unaware that they’re signalling to the girl that they’re the opposite of lover. They are putting themselves in the provider box, but still surprised that they’re attracting “gold-digger” type girls.

Paying for strippers and hookers is the extreme example of girls taking money for sexual encounters, followed by men that meet women on SugarDaddy sites. As much as guys try to convince themselves that the girls are attracted to them not their money, they know instinctively that it’s not true.

  1. Men and Women Are The Same

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Ok, so this is the one where you’ll really rock the boat.

Gender is not a social construct. Men and women are not the same. Women don’t really like to be “equal” in relationships. What turns heterosexual females on in a relationship is a dominant, powerful man.

There, I said it. Gasp. Cue the angry emails and “sexist pig” comments.

Men aren’t attracted to masculine women. It’s not about being “threatened” by them, it’s about being sexually turned off by them.

Men and women have different wants and needs when it comes to dating and mating. 

 Masculine and feminine polarity is natural and healthy. It comes as a surprise to many people that women want men to be men, and men want women to be women, as that’s what they’re attracted to.

This is the result of millions of years of evolution. A few decades of Social Studies courses can’t change that fact. It’s written in our DNA.

The more powerful the woman in her day-to-day life (e.g. doctors, lawyers, bankers), the more she craves a guy to take the reigns with dating and seduction.

This is a particularly taboo subject but men and women instinctively understand the reality of who and what they’re attracted to.

  1. “Settling Down”

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Married men or guys in long-term relationships will shame you into “doing the right thing” and “settling down.” 

“Grow up!” you’ll hear girls cry, whilst at the same time seeing how attracted they are to you as a free spirit.

No, you don’t need to “settle.” Be a Black Sheep and go for what you want. Life is short and you only get one shot at it.

“Settling” implies monotony. Giving up. Retiring. Losing your freedom. Do any of those things sound sexy to you?

To win at life as a man is to be free. Freedom of time and money to do what you want, when you want, where you want. Nice Guys will shout “that’s selfish” whilst at the same time longing for their former bachelor years.

Girls are attracted to men who have a mission beyond them, who take risks, who go after what they want. They want wild lions, not domesticated pussy cats.

     10. The world is going to the dogs

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Every generation thinks things are getting worse, and long for the “good old days.” 

Put your trust in hard-wired biology. Don’t panic about social trends, political climates and technological changes. Men and women are still attracted to the same triggers that were in place millions of years ago. This won’t change for millions more years.

You’re blaming your lack of success with girls and your lack of action on external things. The truth is that there’s never been an easier time to be a Black Sheep. Non-monogamous sexual experiences are everywhere, and more and more men are talking about these non-PC truths and how to act on them.

Be the sheep dog, not the sheep. Wake up to the vast possibilities around you. Take back control of your emotions and decision making. These truths might initially hurt, but they’ll set you free.

Read Part 2 of the Black Sheep series here.

Anti-Provider Song

Gather round the fire for a Torero tune teaching you kids about why you need to be the lover, not the provider.

“It Ain’t Me Babe” (Dylan) Lyrics:

Go away from my window,
Leave at your own chosen speed.
I’m not the one you want, babe,
I’m not the one you need.

You say you’re lookin’ for someone,
Who’s never weak but always strong,
To protect you and defend you,
Whether you are right or wrong,

Someone to open each and every door,
But it ain’t me, babe,
No, no, no, it ain’t me, babe,
It ain’t me you’re lookin’ for, babe.

Go lightly from the ledge, babe,
Go lightly on the ground.
I’m not the one you want, babe,
I’ll only let you down.

You say you’re lookin’ for someone,
Who’ll promise never to part,
Someone to close his eyes for you,
Someone to close his heart,

Someone to die for you and more,
But it ain’t me, babe,
No, no, no, it ain’t me, babe,
It ain’t me you’re lookin’ for, babe.